Happiness, Motherhood

And just like that… we are three.

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The news is out! I’ve welcomed a second child into the world. It was always my intention to have at least two children if possible. I’m beyond grateful that this is now my reality.

I will be taking off the rest of the year from my work as a locum physician to spend time with my kids and do some traveling. My goal is to share much more about my solo motherhood. I’ve received several requests to do more content about being a solo mother by choice. I’m thrilled there is a demand for it and excited to deliver. I’ve always been an open book about this topic whenever anyone would ask me about my decisions. I’m hoping to bring more awareness to this lifestyle, support those considering it for themselves, and cheer on those who are living their lives as solo moms! 

I will be sharing videos and info on Instagram/TikTok/Facebook. Additionally, I’ll continue to go more in-depth about these topics here on the blog. As I plan on traveling with the kids soon, I’ll be sharing this as well. I will continue to respect the privacy of my children. This involves not showing their faces in pictures or using their names in text. 

I plan to cover the different stages of becoming a mother for a second time as well as being a SMBC. Hopefully, you’ll continue to join me on this journey. Feel free to suggest topics you’d like to see covered or questions you’d like answered! I will do my best to address them!

For this (and possibly future posts) I will split it up into Past, Present, and Future segments. This way, I can discuss my pregnancy journey that was but also keep you in the loop of what is going on now and what is to come! 

PAST

Trying To Conceive

My siblings and I are all about 2 1/2 years apart. I wanted a similar age gap for my children. Although trying to conceive and pregnancies can be very unpredictable, I did more or less achieve my goal. After several months of being in Hawaii, I started looking for clinics. It will come as no surprise that there was not one located on Moloka’i. I did speak to the midwife on Moloka’i, who recommended a fertility clinic in Honolulu.

Thankfully, the fertility clinic offered virtual visits for the initial visit. I am a rather straightforward case. I have no known fertility issues. A workup was done with my first pregnancy. I already had sperm bought and didn’t need any hormone assistance for my cycle. Nonetheless, they did want me to do an ultrasound before the first IUI. For regular readers, you’ll know the difficulties of traveling to/from Moloka’i. For the first few trips to Honolulu, I traveled with sort of an entourage. My sister was still in town watching my first child while I was at work, so everyone came along for doctor’s appointments. It was a nice change of pace for us to be in a big city for a few days.

Attempt #1

Since everything looked fine on the ultrasound, I was able to attempt an IUI with the next cycle. I had regular periods for many months before trying to conceive which ended up being extremely helpful with travel planning. Given how unreliable the local airline was, I couldn’t book a ticket the same day or the day before. Consequently, we would spend two or three days in Honolulu. This in itself was not cheap given how expensive Honolulu is. However, given how time-sensitive an IUI is, it was a necessary expense. 

I was so stressed during the first attempt. Besides the usual stressing over whether I would get pregnant, I stressed whether we would make it on time with our flights. Not surprisingly, our Honolulu flight was moved by the airline. I felt it was safer to fly to Maui rather than Oahu from Moloka’i and then catch a flight with Hawaiian Airlines from Maui to Oahu. The flights from Molokai to Maui seemed to have less disruptions than those to Honolulu. My sister was back in Austria at this point. Luckily, she had a friend who lived in Honolulu. She was able to watch my child while I went to the fertility clinic for the IUI. 

Two weeks later, I took that test. And it was negative. I wasn’t really surprised by this. I just felt too stressed and I didn’t expect it to work right away anyways. Becoming pregnant is ultimately up to Mother Nature (aka biology). You can only do so much but there are so many things that can happen along the way that result in you not getting pregnant. Almost immediately after the negative test, I went ahead and booked my flights and accommodations around the time of my expected next fertility window. 

Attempt #2

Having everything booked and squared away at work made me much more relaxed the second time around. My toddler and I flew to Honolulu, ate some good food, and waited for the smiley face on the ovulation test. It appeared as expected and I was able to go into the clinic the next day for the IUI. My sister’s friend again had some time to watch my toddler during the procedure. 

An IUI, or intrauterine insemination, is rather straight forward. A speculum is inserted into the vagina to help visualize and access the cervix. A very thin catheter is inserted through the cervix into the uterus and the washed sperm is inserted. I had to lay on the exam table for an additional 10 minutes before I was able to get up and leave. That’s it. Easy peasy. 

Clearly, I had a very limited non-work-related wardrobe

Halfway around the world

About a week after the 2nd IUI, we headed on a very long journey to the other side of the world, Germany. This was probably the longest traveling journey I had done so far with a toddler. The time difference between Hawai’i and Germany is 12 hours. Given how long the traveling was (we arrived two days later than we left), my toddler didn’t have significant jet lag. I have only ever experienced jet lag by proxy (because my kid would wake up at odd hours) but not for myself. 

I was in the kitchen of my aunt and uncle’s place when I read the result of the pregnancy test. 

Positive!!

I was so relieved. 

Those who have actively tried to conceive will likely be able to relate to the feeling of relief from that positive pregnancy test. Not only the joy of being pregnant but the instant resolution of stress related to further attempt planning and waiting on a positive result. I am nonetheless always very reserved with my joy about pregnancy because I know how much can go wrong before it all goes right. But at that moment, I was just so happy that it had worked again. 

It’s always a gamble to announce a pregnancy early on but considering we were throwing a family reunion, I did inform my family and close friends of the positive result. Always with the caveat that it was still early and a lot could happen. Ultimately, it was up to Mother Nature and I let her take the wheel. 

PRESENT

Life with two kids has been a transition… for us all. 

Before the arrival of my second child, it was just me and my toddler. Living in rural Moloka’i, this was even more the case than if we had been around family. It was just the two of us against the world. I prepared my toddler weeks in advance for the arrival of a baby. I made a personalized book explaining what would happen when I go into labor so that they would know what’s going on. They were so excited to become a big sibling. I was excited for them,…and also a bit scared of what the transition would be like for them. 

Reflection and Growth

The transition has been beautiful but also hard at times. I never really felt that motherhood was hard until I found myself in the position of my toddler having an age-appropriate meltdown and my newborn needing my attention as well. My heart felt torn in two. I had to triage what needed to be done. Thank goodness for the years of medical training to help with that task and stay (relatively) calm. There have been moments where I was not as collected as I would’ve liked to be. The sleep deprivation likely didn’t help much in those moments.

My patience wasn’t as high for toddlerisms as it typically was. After reacting more harshly than I’d like, I’d feel awful that I reacted with a harsher tone. I made sure to apologize to my toddler for my tone so they know they don’t deserve to be spoken to like that. After reflecting on these moments, how they made me feel, how they must have made my toddler feel and how I would like them to feel instead while also reiterating the age appropriateness of their behavior, things have improved. 

One of the things that surprised me the most was how I mourned the loss of the closeness to my toddler. Before the baby, I could focus my entire energy and attention on my toddler. Now I couldn’t. I missed our snuggles, our hugs, our playtime. I felt us growing apart. Thankfully, I have family and friends here who jumped in and took over some of those needs. But it still meant they didn’t have their mom there all the time and I didn’t have those experiences with them. 

Now, I make the effort to seek closeness with my toddler in the few moments I don’t have the baby in my arms. Even when I am holding the baby, I get down on the ground and play with my toddler as best I can. I feel we’ve developed a new form of closeness that is meeting most of our needs at this point. I am confident we will continue to find our groove. 

FUTURE

Not surprisingly, I’ve been feeling the urge to travel again. I’ve booked the three of us a trip to Mallorca, Spain towards the end of May. We might take a road trip to the Netherlands towards the beginning of May (depending on the weather). In a couple of weeks, I am taking the kids to southern Germany for a family event. 

Traveling with two kids will certainly be another learning experience I am ready to take on. I recently came across the Bucket List Family on Instagram. Although they seem to be living the life I would love to live, being a solo mom with two kids would make such a lifestyle much harder. I’m happy to do a light version of their lives and travel often with my kiddos. I’m excited to show them the world and experience different cultures together. 

I hope you’ll continue to follow along!

mfg

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Locum, Motherhood, Travel

A Tale of Three Months, Four Time Zones, and Five Countries

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Oh gee…I certainly was not planning on waiting 3.5 months before posting again. I know I sound like a broken record since I start off almost every post these days with an apology that it’s been so long. I was posting every two weeks almost consistently when I first started out and was pregnant. It should come as no surprise, especially to the parent readers, that a toddler requires a lot of attention, however. And honestly, I will always pick spending time with my child over engaging in social media. This time is so limited and so precious.

Also, instead of using “my child”, I think I’ll henceforth refer to them as “Mausi”. I continue to want to keep their identity off the internet, but for the sake of more fluid writing and for the sake of not sounding like I’m from a previous century, I’ll go with my nickname for them. But let’s dive in and let me get you caught up on what’s been going on!

June

For the last two months of my assignment in Eugene, we had to relocate to an apartment from the house we had previously lived in. This was known from the beginning as the house was already rented starting in June. The agency found us a 2-bedroom apartment close to the Willamette River. We, unfortunately, didn’t have a playground right down the street from us, but we did have a lovely trail along the river that we visited often.

Abortion is Healthcare.

On June 24th, the day people with a uterus’s constitutional right to bodily autonomy was stripped away, Ally, Mausi, and I attended a protest in Downtown Eugene. It was a peaceful protest and I was happy to see many men in attendance. Frankly, there should have been many more considering how the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe vs Wade affects men too. In this sense, I feel like a broken record here too. The constant injustice we see happening in this country is truly disheartening. The fact that a handful of people get to decide the consequences for the majority of people is scary. They have real power. It is so important that everyone vote and that we elect leaders that will protect the rights of all citizens.

Blushing Blonde moments

Mausi and I spent an afternoon near the Heceta Lighthouse having our pictures taken by a local photographer. I really enjoy finding local photographers everywhere I go to capture moments of Mausi and me. Being a solo mom, there are plenty of pictures on my phone of Mausi, but rarely one where we are together. Having a photoshoot every couple of months makes for a fun way to capture our lives together. It is also a reminder of the places we’ve been.

Silver Falls Park

We finished off the month with a hike in Silver Falls Park. Only a 1.5-hour drive from Eugene, this park has a 7-mile loop that passes 10 waterfalls. We hiked it with another friend of mine with a baby. We’d like to say we made it the whole 7 miles, but then we’d be lying. We did, however, make it about 4.5 miles and passed 7 of the 10 waterfalls. The trail leads behind a few of the falls which were pretty cool. Definitely worth the trip if you find yourself in the area!

July

July and the half of August were several weeks of traveling. After the first week of work, Mausi and I flew to Europe for a two-week trip! The first week of that was the first legit vacation I’ve taken since October of 2019. Sure, there were trips all throughout the years, but they were mainly to Germany, which is like going home, it’s not a vacation in the sense of relaxing and exploring.

Μύκονος

Mausi and I spent a lovely week on the Greek island of Mykonos with my boyfriend. It had been almost 5 years since we were in the same physical space. He and I went on a date during my travels in India in 2017. Sounds crazy, I am aware, but it didn’t feel like we hadn’t seen each other in that long.

We stayed in a nice little boutique hotel just a few minutes’ walk from the beach. We rented a mini cooper convertible for a few days to zip around the very narrow streets of the island. My main touristy objective was to see the windmills that Mykonos is famous for. Mykonos is also known for its glitz, glamour, and party lifestyle. There was no partying for use with Mausi along but I was ok with that. There was an alarming amount of designer handbags to be seen by just about everyone walking around the island. I include myself in this, but in my case, it’s also the only small handbag I own.

There was an Italian restaurant within walking distance of our hotel that served delicious food and was staffed by really friendly people. Honestly, every restaurant we went to was extremely child friendly, and didn’t mind Mausi crawling absolutely everywhere. Often, the waiting staff would even hold on to and play with them while I ate. If you want to do something kind for a mother of a small child, watch their child while they eat their meal. It’s so rare to have an uninterrupted (warm) meal when you’re a mom.

It was a really fun and enjoyable week for our little trio.

Bachelorette Fun and Fancy Pizza

After our island adventure, it was off to Germany to partake in my best friend’s bachelorette festivities. Thankfully, she isn’t one for crazy outfits and silly games. We had a delicious dinner and spent the next day doing a photoshoot and going to a spa. I was really excited to meet some of her good friends that I had only heard of. Our friendship has been strong and thriving since I left Germany in 2015 but I’ve also missed a lot of the day-to-day stuff. I feel much more in the loop now that I know all her other close friends.

Between the bachelorette weekend and the wedding weekend, I crammed in as many get-togethers with my friends as possible. I also jumped on a night train with Mausi and traveled to Vienna to visit my sister Karoline for two days. I enjoy traveling by night train. The rattling of the train on the tracks is a great way to sleep and I am in a position where I can afford my own cabin now. On previous trips as a medical student, I’d book a spot in the 6-person cabin. At the time, I didn’t mind sharing the space with strangers. I didn’t want to do that with a toddler though.

Karoline works in a fun, hip pizzeria as the pizza decorator extrordinaire. We walked all over the city and ate many scrumptious meals together. I adore her and am always so happy to spend time with her. After our short 36-hour visit, we hopped back on the night train and traveled back up north.

Wedding Bells

My best friend’s wedding was a day filled with love, happiness, great conversations, and delicious food. Having missed so many of my friend’s weddings in the past, I would’ve moved mountains to attend hers. Lucky for me, she got married after I finished residency so no mountain moving was necessary.

Hello again and goodbye!

We flew back to Eugene for my last four days of work before heading to Wisconsin. I had a really great time in Eugene. I definitely did not see and do all that I planned to. My coworkers were such a joy to work with. It felt like hanging out with a group of friends every day. The work was not always easy. For the most part, it was actually complex. The patients I cared for were complex both medically and socially. There were a lot of social factors that came into consideration compared to previous jobs. Even “just” seeing 8 patients a day was a lot due to their individual complexities.

I had some great patient relationships build up in the 7 months I was there. For several, I felt like I made a real positive impact on their lives. I was even gifted a thoughtful gift by one of my patients. He had used the box that his medications come in to craft a keepsake box. I’ll have to take a picture of it and share some time (it’s currently in my new office space). I found certainly consider returning to the Lane County Clinics in the future for another few months.

August

As if traveling from Eugene to Europe back to Eugene and then to Wisconsin wasn’t enough of a timezone whirlwind, we traveled the first week of August as well. This trip was originally planned in March when none of my other travels had been planned yet and I felt like I needed a break and some adventure between jobs. But before we jumped on our international flight, we made a pit stop in Waupaca, WI so that I could attend my high school best friend’s wedding shower.

Back in High School, I was friends with the “Fab Five”. Not to be confused with the Fab Five of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. (My fashion and hair would’ve been much better had that been the case.) Although I was with them a lot, the Sensational Six didn’t have the same ring to it…and I was the only girl in the group. Bryant, Ryan, Kyle, Chase, and Caleb were all back together for the wedding shower and I was thrilled. Zach, an underclassman during High School, an admirer of the Fab Five, and a good friend of ours, was also there.

After that short visit, we were off to Panama!

Panama City

We were only in Panama for 4 full days plus the two travel days on each end. It wasn’t a lot of time but we managed to see a variety of things. We stayed in Casco Viejo while in Panama City. It was built in 1673 after pirates almost completely destroyed the former historical center of Panama Viejo. It was a mix of old and new. Some buildings were filled with fancy restaurants or boutique hotels. Others were just the facade and completely gutted on the inside. We ate some yummy food and did a bit of shopping.

I bought myself, my mother, and my boyfriend each a Panama hat. Panama hat is a bit of a misnomer as they actually come from Ecuador. During the Gold Rush, people would travel from South America through the Panama Canal onwards to California and often bought a hat in Panama to shield themselves from the sun. When asked where they had gotten their hats from, they’d answer Panama. And voila, the Panama hat was named. The really nice thing about the toquilla straw hat is that it can be rolled up and packed for travel. No more filling half a suitcase with a hat or trying to awkwardly wear it on the plane.

Jungle Living

After two days of wandering around Casco Viejo, we headed north towards the coast. Because it seemed silly not to, we stopped by the Panama Canal Locks at Miraflores along the way. If I hadn’t been aware of the monumental engineering feet the locks are, this would’ve been a rather boring stop. However, knowing a bit of the history and the impact that place has on the world economy, put it into perspective and made me appreciate what I was looking at.

We spent two nights in an AirBnB hosted by a very lovely French couple. They spoke French and Spanish and a little bit of English. I speak English and German with a little bit of Spanish and French. Nonetheless, we had pleasant conversations and a great time. Getting to their place was an adventure. We used google maps until Portobelo and then followed several directions sent to us by the host. We counted miles and kept an eye out for the structures that signaled to us that it was time to take a turn. Eventually, we found the entrance to their property. We continued from the gate to about 50 m from the house in their 4-wheel drive car before trekking the remaining distance up a steep muddy hill. Totally worth the trip. Our room overlooked their luscious garden and the ocean.

Island Time

Our hosts took us out on their Waverunner to show us the islands in the area. We zipped past the island Shakira apparently likes to vacation at. We slowly rode through the mangrove trees and what is known as the tunnel of love. One turn was taken a bit too sharply and we were all in the water. Luckily, we could easily stand where we had fallen off.

Ultimately, we decided to spend our day on Isla Mamey. Supposedly, the island used to belong to Pablo Escobar. I’m not really sure what constitutes “used to belong to” or how long it’s been since it was his, but there was a huge skull face etched into the ground. I wasn’t able to find any connection between Escobar and Isla Mamey online though, so maybe it’s just a good story they tell visitors.

Regardless, Isla Mamey will hold a special place in my heart since it’s the place Mausi took their first steps! Way to pick a memorable spot, kiddo!

The beauty of travel

On our last day in Panama, we went to a restaurant that had a great online menu for brunch. I am a sucker for a good brunch. We were the first to arrive. When we reviewed the menu, I was a bit disappointed that it didn’t include all the fun stuff I had seen online. Nonetheless, we stayed and ordered some waffles and eggs. We were the only ones there until about halfway through when a couple came and sat near us.

They received their menus and were trying to decide what they wanted. While verbalizing their options, I realized that we had not received the same menu. Their menu did have the fun stuff I read about online. At this point, it was too late for us though since we had ordered. Mausi, as they do, quickly made friends with our table neighbors and this led to a conversation amongst us all. And what a wonderful conversation it was! I think we spent another hour there just chatting!

Kate (an award-winning author) and her husband Dave have been traveling the world since 2013, house-sitting in various locations. They were both so interesting to talk to. We definitely connected on our desire and need to continue traveling, mixing up our surroundings, and not being in one place for too long. I could see myself doing something similar in the far future if house sitting is still a thing. What a great way to work/retire/live. She blogs about it on her blog Living the Journey.

This is what I love about traveling. What I’ve missed about traveling. Meeting new people with interesting life stories. People’s stories fascinate me and I have met so many cool people on my travels. I look forward to hopefully many more similar events as traveling becomes more frequent again.

Dairyland

After our short Panama excursion, we were back in Wisconsin. I’ll save the rest for the next post, which will hopefully happen before my contract here is done (hehe), but we’ve covered so much already. Props to you if you’ve made it this far. Thanks for hanging in there, I know it was a lot.

Hope everyone is well and healthy.

mfg

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Mother Nature, Motherhood, Travel

Emotional Rollercoaster

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Well, after being a bit smug the last few weeks about how I hadn’t had Covid yet despite being exposed to it from essentially day 1 of the pandemic (and thinking I might be one of the lucky “immune” people), Mother Nature humbled me last week when I tested positive last Thursday. I’m fully vaccinated so my symptoms were luckily really mild. I tested myself due to a scratchy throat. With the current requirements, I haven’t been allowed to return back to work yet. I won’t be back to my normal schedule until next week. This unexpected forced vacation has allowed me to get some work done that I haven’t had the time to do otherwise. Finally getting an update here is one of those things.

April showers bring May flowers and somehow we are already in June?

It has been almost two months since I last posted. The weather has continuously gotten nicer in the Eugene area. We moved out of our house and into an apartment for the last two months of the assignment here. It is a bummer to have left that neighborhood due to it being so walkable and a park just down the street. The new location is located near the Willamette river though and we are able to take beautiful strolls along the river. Still on the lookout for our nearest playground.

We flew to Ohio to celebrate my baby’s first birthday and for me to attend my co-residents wedding. As my facebook friends may have also noticed, I’m now in a relationship. My facebook relationship status hasn’t changed since the day I created my account many, many years ago. So, it’s a big deal for me. There have been a lot of great moments for me over the past two months.

Guest Cake
Smash Cake
Some of my co-residents and attendings

Unfathomable events

But there have also been absolutely heartbreaking moments. The shootings in Buffalo and Uvalde tear my heart to shreds. As do the many other shootings that have happened since but don’t get as much media coverage. These occurrences make it harder and harder for me to justify being the United States. I have become so aware and alert of my surroundings. I look for my nearest exit when I enter a building. But even if I were to leave, that doesn’t help keep the people still here safe. I believe the US could do so much better, be so much better. If only money didn’t corrupt humans so much. It’s unfathomable to me that we as humans can witness 19 children and their teachers slaughtered in a classroom and not change anything about the laws that helped facilitate it from happening.

Before I was even able to get around to uploading this post another horrible shooting has taken place. This one also hits me hard personally. A fellow physician was gunned down at a medical facility in Oklahoma by a patient that blamed him for his ongoing pain. The elementary school shooting shattered my heart and made me fearful for children everywhere in this country. As I intend on having my children go to school abroad, its one less fear I have for my own children. But I have a niece and nephew here in the states and friends with children. So it still is a fear that effects me personally.

The murder of a physician and staff members over dissatisfaction on the patients part solidifies a deep fear in me for my own safety. I try really hard to help my patients. I will try to find ways to help them and feel less pain. Sometimes the safest and recommended option is not what the patient wants and they get angry. Weaning a patient off of addictive and harmful medications is the right thing to do (while obviously working on the underlying issue and finding other, healthier alternatives). But when patients get angry, there is a part of me that is terrified they might try to retaliate. I am hyper-aware of my surroundings when I’m entering and exiting my places of work.

I shouldn’t have to feel this way when all I am trying to do is help people. Children shouldn’t have to fear for their lives going to school to obtain an education. Black people shouldn’t fear for their lives going grocery shopping. No one should have to fear for their life just living their life not hurting anyone else.

The ongoing war in the Ukraine. I know the news cycle has swabbed out coverage for other issues, but horrific and utterly unnecessary damage continues to be done to the people and their country.

None of these situations are natural disasters or forces of nature we can’t control. They are deliberate decisions by human beings and that makes it that much more heart retching to me. People choose to not love and help one another. It must be such a sad position to be in to willingly hurt another human being or help facilitate that hurt. Were these people not loved as children? It’s the only explanation I can think of. Humans aren’t born evil.

Adventures

I don’t really have a clever way to transition from such dark topics, so I won’t try. I’ll just continue on to share some of the beautiful places we visited over the past few weeks.

Eugene Saturday Market

I’ve written about this market before. We’ve been back a few times. The opening weekend was definitely the busiest. The subsequent times were less visited but nonetheless fun to attend. We also made it a few streets further north to the Farmer’s Market. I have a hard time visiting a farmer’s market and not buying fresh flowers. There is just something magical about a fresh bouquet of flowers. 😉 We also met the “bubble guy” and had a blast taking some fun pictures.

Sahalie Falls

My local nanny, her two sons, Ally, my baby and I all took a road trip to see the Sahalie falls in April. The plan was to hike a few miles and see a couple waterfalls. As we ascended into the mountains, however, the snow started accumulating height. The parking lot wasn’t plowed so everyone parked along the road. The walk to the viewing area of the first waterfall was an adventure in and of itself. Ally, who is still getting used to how snow works, took a few tumbles navigating the snow and ice. Many years of Wisconsin winters in my life allowed me to navigate the trail well enough not to fall with a baby strapped on my back. Although we only made it to the first fall, it was worth it.

Redwoods

I drove to Medford with my baby for a weekend to visit a friend and explore the Californian Redwood forest with her. These trees are massive. I felt like I was in a Jurassic Park movie just waiting for a velociraptor to appear. The grandiosity of it all doesn’t even really hit until you leave the area and start seeing “normal” sized trees again. The weather was amazing and the lighting in the forrest was magical. We did a quick pitstop on the coast before returning to Medford. What a great area to live with the Redwood forrest and a beach so close to one another.

Crater Lake

This location has been on the top of my Oregon list since we got here. I’ve been waiting for warmer weather so that more of the roads would open up. Despite going in late May, there were still winter weather condition and closures happening. A friend of mine from Ohio, also a SMBC (single mother by choice) and my baby nurse during my labor and delivery experience, was in town visiting with her child. She really wanted to see Crater Lake as well so we figured this would be a great time to check it off both of our lists. Despite there still being snow, and I mean A LOT of snow, the limited views we did have were well worth the 3 hour one-way trip. When there aren’t winter weather conditions at that altitude, more access roads are available as well as the many trails in the area.

I would definitely like to return in the future to check out some of the trails and see the lake from different view points. My aunt was the one who first told me about Crater Lake. She had seen it mentioned on a show in Germany that was discussing different shades of blue. Apparently, Crater Lake’s blue color is quite unique. The water in the crater is from precipitation. It doesn’t have streams feeding into it. That combined with the depth of the lake and the way the sunlight refracts in it, creates a very beautiful blue color.

South Jetty Beach

I can never get enough of the coast and ocean. My friend from Ohio and I took the babies to the beach one day and it was wonderful. It was a bit chillier than I expected it would be (I should have opted for something longer than shorts). We had the beach all to ourselves for most of the time. It was really low tide so the beach extended far out. This provided plenty of crawling/walking around opportunities for the kiddies. Nature’s sandbox is a good place to be.

Emotional Rollercoaster

These last few weeks have really been a ride for my emotions. I don’t believe you are living if you aren’t feeling. Life has its ups and downs. You can’t appreciate the highs if you don’t experience the lows. Having that emotional complexity makes us human. It’s not always easy. Especially experiencing the lows. Whenever the lows occur, I first allow myself to experience them. Then, I fairly quickly try to figure out what the low can teach me. Often, I adjust my priorities. Especially if the low is inflicted upon me by another human. I don’t hold grudges. I’m not mean. I don’t retaliate. I adjust my priorities. And sometimes, that means that person may have fallen lower on my ranking of priorities. I can’t control how people act but I can change my reaction to it.

No one has personally hurt me recently. Those comments are meant in a more general, life-view sort of way. On the contrary, I’ve received a lot of loving energy personally in recent weeks. But I’m also a very empathetic person and the recent events around the world weigh on me. The senseless gun violence, the loss of life, the attack on people’s right to bodily autonomy and abortion laws… it all affects me. As a woman, as a mother, as a physician…and above all, as a human.

I’m not naive enough to believe all these issues will be solved quickly. If anything, they will have less media coverage to make room for the next big story. The sadness, anger and hurt will seemingly fade and it won’t resurface until the next big tragedy. I hope I’m wrong. I hope that this time, something good will actually happen. As the German saying goes “Die Hoffnung stirbt zuletzt”… Hope dies last. So I will continue to hope and find ways to make a positive impact in this world and help protect and heal my fellow human beings and our planet.

mfg

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Food & Drinks, Locum, Motherhood

Local Leisure

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I’ve spent the last few weekends here in Eugene starting to explore what the city has to offer. We have several different people visiting us over the next months and my AuPair FINALLY arrives this coming Friday. Once she is here and has adjusted, we plan on exploring all sorts of things in Oregon. Knowing that our future weekends will be busy (and thankfully so!), I decided baby and I could spend a few weekends in Eugene. That feeling didn’t last longer than 3 weekends though seeing as we took a day trip to the coast yesterday because I needed a change of scenery.

Food

My local nanny (who is the bees knees, y’all, seriously) gave me a whole list of restaurants to try out. Since eating out is more fun in a group, I’ll try most of them when guests and my AuPair are here. Keeping in mind her and I try to eat mainly vegan, here are her suggestions with notes:

  • Peaceful Palette Food Truck: only open Spring-Fall
  • Bo&Vine: veggie burger & tots
  • Jazzy Ladies: farm fresh brunch
  • Govindas: fully vegan & gluten free
  • Glory Days: veggie-heavy breakfast
  • Wandering Goat: vegan biscuit & gravy and good coffee
  • Grower’s Market: bulk & organic co-op
  • Cornbread: cornbread, vegan chili
  • Vero Espresso: breakfast and lunch in a house with a porch and outdoor seating area

I’ve done a bit of exploring myself and have found a bakery that makes delicious croissants. Croissants are one of my favorite baked goods but I’ve been spoiled and fortunate to have eaten many french croissants, so I have high croissant standards. Noisette Pastry Kitchen is not too far from where we are staying so it makes for a nice walk to pick up some treats. Check out their instagram below. Delicious!

Activites

This is another category where I will have much more to report once I have guests and we check things out together. Baby and I have spent a good amount of time in the public library (also only a short walk away) and local playgrounds.

Cascades Raptor Center is a nature center and wildlife hospital open to the public year-round. We are home to nearly 40 resident education raptors, most native to the Pacific Northwest.

https://cascadesraptorcenter.org

Last weekend, we met up with the nanny and her family at the Cascades Raptor Center. Per their website:

All of the birds have signs posted with their origin story and information about their species. I’ll definitely have to do some more reading the next time I’m there. We witnessed a few feeding and were able to see some of the birds up close. The admission fee is $10 for adults ($9 students age13+ and seniors, $7 for ages 2-7), but it’s money well spent to help keep the place running and saving bird lives.

Local playground exploring

The glorious world of public libraries

I have always apprecitated the existence of public libraries. There is something sort of magical about them. I remember our small public library in Muscoda where I felt so grown up when I got my own library card. The public library in Poland, OH was a beautiful place to study for the board exam. In South Dakota, it was loacted only a block from my apartment and supplied me with the books I read written by or about the Lakota tribes of the area. Here in Eugene, it’s the place my mother took my child and met our local nanny! It is also a place we’ve been to several times now to explore their giant selection of children’s books.

Proud new member of REI

Considering the plethora of hiking trails in Oregon, I figured it was time to get a pair of hiking boots. With a baby on my back or chest, I want to make sure I’ve got a good grip. Furthermore, I also purchased a new baby carrier as my wrap isn’t as functional as I’d like it to be for hiking. I’ve recieved several hiking recommendations (many with waterfalls!) but a lot of them are located outside of Eugene and are on the list to explore with our AuPair/guests. There are however plenty of trails here in Eugene as well.

We checked out one of the trails around Spencer Butte. The trees are so tall here and covered in moss. I’m assuming thats because we are in a valley and there is often heavy fog that rolls through… or stays put for several days. Side note, my collegue told me the Eugen area is one of the worst for seasonal allergies. The pollen content is extremely high here.

Shopping

This is not a category I’ve explored extensively but I did find a few really cute shops the first weekend we stayed in town. Located between Charnleton & Olive Street and 5th & 6th Ave is a row of four adorable and fun shops. Down to Earth Home & Garden has a huge selection of kitchen ware, home decor and garden supplies. Pre-pandemic, they often had workshops there too, according to my medical support staff.

Across from that is Mountain Rose Herbs Mercantile, a store filled with herbs, spices, tea, coffee, lotions and potions. I bought Nurse-Me Rhyme loose-leaf tea and it is delicious. They also are a big supporter of the Raptor Center as evidenced by their logo on many of the signs on the aviaries.

Directly nextdoor, is Farmer’s Union Coffee Roasters. They sell specialty coffees from small co-ops and farmers around the world! The interior decor is light and fun. I enjoyed a decaf oat-milk honey and lavendar latte.

The final store in that lineup is Oak Street Vintage. It’s not just vinatge clothing they sell but also a large selection of cool furniture and decor. Check out their Insta pages for more!

https://www.instagram.com/p/CXewYJOvOx2/

I guess I should pause here for a second and just say that none of the links I’ve posted are sponsored in any way. These are just local places I’ve found and their instagrams do a heck of a lot better job showing what they do than any picture I could take. Additionally, I want anyone coming to the area to have a easy way of finding the places I mentioned. I promise to let you know if I ever get paid or free stuff for something I mention.

Svikki MD

Work is busy. From the moment I get there to the moment I leave, I am non-stop working. I work while I eat and I work while I pump. Between seeing patients, I hurry to finish up notes, refill medications, review labs/image/consults and answer messages. It’s never ending. My inbox usually was empty when I went home during residency. That is nearly impossible now. Some of the other clinics have a refill team that weeds thorugh their refill requests and if certain criteria is met, it gets refilled without needing to ask the provider. I don’t have that service due to staff shortages.

The panel of patients I cover is from a previous provider who worked here for 6 years and accumulated a panel of about 1200 patients. My inbox fluctuates between 20 to 100 tasks throughout the week. It’s usually more on Tuesdays when I first come into work. However, even with working off many of those as the days go on, more tasks come pouring it. I’ve come to terms with the fact that my inbox won’t be empty when I leave for the day and just have to do my best triaging the tasks.

I’ve seen a wide variety of patient presentations in the office and have performed a few procedures. My medical support staff is great! My roomer “scrubs” the charts the day before and makes notes on what the patients are coming in for, which preventative items need to be done, etc. She also knows many of the patients and can provide some context and backstory.

Solo working mom

As busy as I am at work, I’m equally as busy at home during the work week. This will lighten up once my AuPair is here. Currently, my workday mornings are either spent getting ready quickly and packing our bags before the baby wakes up or doing it all with a baby on my hip.

Depending on where the in-home daycare is that day (it varies between two locations) I pack up the car and we drive either 10 or 20 minutes to the daycare. I like to spend 5-10 minutes chatting with the other moms and saying hi to the kids. They adore my baby and my baby absolutely adores the time with the bunch. Then it’s off to work. I’ll usually fill this time listening to music and singing along loudly. As I mentioned previously, when I’m at work, I’m working non-stop.

Before my replacement parts came for my Willow pump (a breast pump that you tuck into your bra without cords), I was using a corded pump and would sit in an empty exam room and pump for 15 minutes twice a day while awkwardly trying to write notes without bumping off the bottles. Thank goodness I can now use my willow. I just pop them into my sports bra and write my notes looking like Pamela Anderson. I’ve even pumped while seeing patients if I don’t have a break. There is time blocked off on my schedule to pump but patient encounters rarely follow an exact schedule.

Once I get home, my baby gets dropped off by the nanny about 15 minutes later. I use that time to quickly unpack my lunch stuff and organize anything I can. Then its time to cook and eat dinner. Following that is our bedtime routine of brushing teeth, reading some books and nursing to sleep. There was a stretch of time where baby would want to stay up until 8 or 9. Luckily that has passed for the time being and baby is usually sleeping by 7. I spend the two hours I have before going to bed largely with cleaning up the kitchen, washing the dishes, the lunch containers and baby’s bottles, and essembling everything for the next day.

The four day work week goes fast because there is so much to do. I am so grateful for my three day weekend. Once my AuPair gets here, I’ll gain back quite a bit of time at home during the workweek. The commute to daycare will no longer be necessary and neither will the packing of baby’s bags. I do still want my baby to see the group of kids so there will be play dates.

I’m so excited for my AuPair to arrive in a few days and look forward to all the guests that will be coming to see us over the next several months! As before, any suggestions of things we should eat, see, or do, send them my way!

mfg

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Food & Drinks, Locum, Motherhood, Travel

Weekend Shenanigans

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Although I am spending this weekend exploring our immediate surroundings in Eugene, I spent the last two doing some traveling. We went to check out Portland with my uncle two weekends ago. Last weekend, we headed to the coast with my mom. I can’t wait for my AuPair to get here so we can start planning all our weekend trips!

Portland

In my head, Portland was going to be this green oasis brimming with bike paths and eclectic people roaming the streets. To be fair, visiting a city in January is hardly ever the time to see a city at its best. Throw in an ongoing pandemic and things look a bit different than you might expect.

We booked a hotel downtown, thinking we would be close to all the action that way. After checking in, we walked directly to the one farmer’s market that was open (again, it’s winter). The walk there was not exciting. However, the Farmer’s Market was a rather decent size and had some delicious things. We grabbed a breakfast burrito, apple cider, and some really yummy, single-source chocolate.

After that, we made our way back towards downtown. While doing so, we passed a lot of empty storefronts and even more tents at seemingly every corner. We stopped at a few coffee shops along the way. While looking at GoogleMaps, we realized that an area northwest of downtown seemed to be rather busy. After a bit of research, we learned that 23rd Ave was lined with shops and restaurants. So, we walked there to see if it was a bit more happening than downtown was.

23rd Ave definitely had more going on. We saw quite a few of the eclectic people I thought might be running around. There were some delicious-looking restaurants but it was still too early for dinner. So instead, we decided to walk back towards downtown and check out Old China Town. Maybe we just weren’t on the right streets, but we basically found nothing interesting in Old China Town. For dinner, we decided my uncle needed a good ole American burger before heading back to Germany and ate at Deschutes Brewery.

Day 2

After a fast and pretty decent breakfast at Cheryl’s on 12th, we took a walk along the Willamette River. I’m sure it is even nicer in the spring or summer when the trees are full of foliage and the temperature is warmer. Before heading back to Eugene, we spent a couple of hours at the Oregon Zoo. It is one of the more beautifully laid out zoos I’ve visited. At times, you feel like you are taking a walk through the woods. We didn’t see as many animals as I had hoped. Perhaps that was due to it being winter. The walk through the zoo itself was already worth our time though.

Someone slept through most of the zoo visit

In the end, Portland didn’t wow us as much as we thought it might. I’m not giving up on it wowing me in the future though. I’m hopeful that with warmer weather, flourishing flora and fauna, reduced pandemic restrictions, and a bit more research, Portland will be more like the Portland I imagined.

Oregon Coast

Last weekend, we headed to the coast with my mother. A little over an hour’s drive due west of Eugene lies Florence. It is a small coastal town with a population of just over 9,000 people. There is a road along the Siuslaw river known as the historic Downtown. The streets are lined with shops, cafes, and restaurants. I immediately felt like I was on vacation when I saw a store selling Salt Water Taffy. For some reason, likely my childhood, I associate that with vacation.

We grabbed some hot drinks at Magnolia Bakery and walked along the historic Downtown road. We stopped to check out a few galleries with local artists before taking a nursing break at the harbor. I grabbed a bagel at River Roasters to eat while we drove to the beach. I’ll have to return to River Roasters sometime though. It was a comfy coffee shop with a fireplace and a back porch overlooking the river.

Hello Ocean!

A quick 10-minute drive from downtown Florence got us to the beach! Getting to the beach was a bit of a workout. First, you had to climb up a dune. Then, once at the top, if you wanted to get to the ocean, you had to maneuver down a steep dune side of sand. After taking in the beautiful view from on top of the dune, I took the baby to go see the ocean up close.

For a while, we were the only two people on that stretch of beach. My baby had never played with sand before and had a blast! We took a walk along the beach and looked for an intact shell. I can’t wait for the weather to warm up a bit to spend the whole day on the beach.

After a good while soaking in the beach views, we headed north up the coast.

Hello Sealions!

The drive along the coastal 101 Highway is very scenic. Every couple miles, there is a sign that reads, “Entering Tsunami Hazard Zone”. The day prior, there had actually been a tsunami wave weather warning due to the underwater volcano that erupted near Tongo. Lucky for us, the warning was over and the sun was shining. This led to some great views.

We stopped along the way to see the Heceta Lighthouse from afar. Little did we know, when we looked down from the cliff, we looked right onto the sealion gathering spot. There were so many of them! They even seemed to have their own little ocean pool.

Our intention was to see the Heceta lighthouse up close as well but when we tried driving there, we realized you actually had to walk a bit to get there. My mother had hurt her foot the day prior, so we decided to skip that part.

At this point, we were hungry for a real meal. Another 20 minutes north, in a town called Yachats, we went to the first place we saw, called Ona. It was very delicious and a co-worker later told me, it’s one of his favorites in that town. So that worked out well.

The last stop was for some ice cream before we embarked on our 1h50 drive home.

The Wishlist

I am making a list of all the recommendations people have been giving me. My AuPair should get here mid-February and I am so excited to spend our 3-day weekends exploring Oregon!

Svikki MD

Work has been going really well. They still had me on a lighter patient schedule these past few weeks. And gee was it necessary! I am getting better at using their electronic medical record system but still feel like I’m not as efficient as I could be.

The patients, for the most part, have been kind. Some are more complicated than others. Some are very complicated. I try to compartmentalize and prioritize, knowing I won’t be able to help fix all their problems in one office visit.

They also closed the previous locum’s in-basket of tasks the other week and all the unfinished tasks, labs, and medication refills dumped into my in-basket. All of a sudden I had nearly 100 tasks to complete. I was quite overwhelmed by this since I tend to have my in-basket cleared before the end of the day. I spent a few hours over last weekend in the office working on tasks. It wasn’t until two days ago, however, that I officially got through it all. Naturally, new things started coming in but 7 tasks aren’t as terrifying as 100.

It takes a village

The first week at work, my uncle was in town watching my baby. The second week, my mom was here to babysit. I had signed up for care.com and messaged about 20 people to see if they’d be interested in babysitting while I am at work and await the arrival of my AuPair. Only two got back to me saying they’d be interested. For many others, our schedules didn’t align. I was starting to get nervous.

The Universe (and my mother) had my back

My mother took the baby to the library the first day they were together. There, my mother observed a woman walk in with a few toddlers and a baby strapped to her back. My mom was impressed by how this woman interacted with the kids. The woman overheard my mother speaking German and struck up a conversation. She told my mother that she had spent an exchange year in Germany (in nearly flawless German pronounciation). My mother then proceeded to tell her of my current childcare situation. The woman said I should give her a call and that she could probably help us out.

I called her that evening. She was amazing. She agreed to add my baby to her cohort of kiddos. They spend their days between the homes of the two families whose kids she watches. One is in the city and the other is out in the country. She stopped by with her two kids last Monday for a face-to-face meeting. Our babies loved each other. I knew my baby would thrive being around this woman and her kids. She is so creative. Her parents were actors and she grew up around the theater. She has puppets to help the kid communicate their feelings, plays instruments, and works on sign language with them. I really hit the jackpot here.

Hopefully, play dates can continue to happen once my AupPair gets here too. The local nanny also gave me a huge list of restaurants to check out. Seriously, she rocks.

mfg

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Locum, Motherhood, Travel

Welcome to Oregon

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Holy moly, time flies! I’d really like to be posting more than once a month (or a month and a half!) and I think it’ll be more likely in the future.

This past month has been exceptionally busy. First, there was enjoying the last few weeks of maternity leave with family and friends in Germany. We celebrated Christmas with some of my aunt’s family by having a nice raclette feast! Shortly thereafter, my aunt and uncle drove us to Frankfurt where we all spent the night before baby and I caught our flight to Ohio.

During our short three days stay in Ohio, we visited my residency program to see everyone. I also had an OBGYN appointment for my Pap smear (make sure you are up to date on your Pap smear, my cervix possessing friends!).

Our journey to Eugene Oregon the next day was a doozy.

Connecting Time – Indefinite

Our journey from Cleveland to Eugene started really early on December 30th. Our flight out of Cleveland was at 6:10 AM (!). The flight to San Fransisco was fine, Baby didn’t sleep much at all but did make friends with the passengers around us. Shortly before landing, I checked the airline app to see if our connecting flight was on time. It was not. Au contraire mon amie! It was CANCELED. Due to staff shortages.

Remember hearing in the news how United had to cancel a bunch of flights between Christmas and New Year. Yeah, mine was one of them.

Once on the ground, I contacted a United agent to see what my next option would be to get to Eugene. The best they could do was put me on standby for a flight at 4:30 PM. Not great, especially since it was only 8:30 AM at the time. All of the flights the next day were only on standby as well. I neither liked my chances nor did I like the idea of being stuck at the airport with a baby for 8 hours. So after some deliberation with my family, I decided to rent a car and drive. Also not ideal with an 8-month-old baby but at least I was getting closer to my destination.

Road Trippin

We were looking at a 540-mile trip ahead of us. It took forever to get out of San Fransisco. Driving over the Golden Gate Bridge somewhat made up for it though. I only made it to Redding, California before booking a motel and spending the night. I don’t typically experience jet lag but I kept us on sort of a wonky schedule in Ohio because we had such an early flight to catch. Now being 3 hours even further behind, we were in bed by 8 PM. However, we then left the motel by 3:30 AM.

The morning drive was adventurous. Once we crossed the Californian border, we were in the mountains. The fog was so thick and it was snowing. At one point, I was only driving 15 mph downhill and hoping my little economy car wouldn’t fail us. Eventually, I started to get hungry and really wondered if there would even be a place to eat since I hadn’t seen an exit in quite some time.

Heaven on Earth

I asked GoogleMaps where the nearest restaurant would be. It suggested a place called Heaven on Earth which was only 20 minutes away. Well, with a name like that, and my options very limited, I decided to give it a try! We left the highway and quickly pulled up to a wood cabin with a big sign that read “Home of the Famous Cinnamon Rolls”. The sun was just starting to rise. We walked in to find cinnamon rolls as big as a plate! A lovely lady seated us. The only other folks there was a table with 4 older gentlemen who all seemed to be cowboys.

The omelet I ordered was exactly what I needed. The open fire made the place very cozy. We chatted a bit with our server and the chef before heading out again for the last 2 hour stretch of our journey. Before dropping off the rental car at the airport, I stopped by the gas station to fill up. I was quickly informed by a nice man that I better not touch the pump or I could be looking at a $1500 fine. … Wait…what? Turns out, you are not allowed to pump your own gas in Oregon and New Jersey. Good to know!

Eugene

I spent New Year’s Eve going to bed around 9 PM. I was in a new city, knew no one, had a baby, and was perfectly content with it all. The following day, we walked around the city a bit and ran some essential errands before picking up my uncle late at night. He flew in from Germany to watch the baby while I went to my first week of work.

My first impressions of Eugene:

  • Weed is omnipresent. There are so many dispensories in and around the downtown area. Holy Grail, Spacebuds, Oregon Weed Oulet… so… many…shops.
  • Homelessness is omnipresent. There are large lots filled with tents. Tents are set up at seemingly random places along the neighborhood. As a co-worker would later let me know, the numbers of homeless people is so high in Eugene due to a combination of skyrocketing rent, strict city expansion laws and liberal policies which make it a more welcoming place. In contrast, in Springfield, a more conservative town, which is literally right next to Eugene, it is illegal to hand anything out of your car window. Apparently its a law to stop people from giving food or drinks to the homeless. Supposedly, other more conservative cities in Oregon give the homeless a one-way ticket to Eugene and tell them they’ll be taken care of here.
  • Kindness is omnipresent. Everyone I have met has been kind. There are countless Black Lives Matter signs in the businesses and “Choose Kindness” signs in the neighborhood.

Svikki MD

My first week at work was all orientation. I work at a community health center. There are several offices throughout Eugene and I was able to shadow at several of them throughout the week. Not only was it nice to shadow providers to get a feeling of how their electronic medical record program works (vastly different than the Epic program I am used to) but it was also nice to shadow them seeing patients. It’s been 9 months since I’ve seen patients. Although I wasn’t afraid of having forgotten how to use a stethoscope, it was nice to ease back into the clinical setting by being a fly on the wall.

Everyone, from the providers to the support staff, really seem to enjoy the work that they do. The patients we see in the clinic are mainly Medicare, Medicaid, uninsured and underserved. They tend to be fairly complex, both medically and socially. However, the people working in the clinics really seem to have a passion for helping these people get the healthcare they deserve.

I was happy to find out that I would be working in a clinic closer to home than the one I originally was told I would be at. Since I was all over the place for orientation week, I was able to stop by at home for lunch a few times. My first week was Monday through Friday. Going forward, I’ll only be working Tuesday through Friday.

My first week of orientation went well and my first week of being back at work went well for Baby too. My uncle did a great job and I really enjoyed having him here with me.

I receive very intense kisses when I get home from work.

Three Day Weekend

I’m so excited to spend our 3-day weekends exploring Oregon. My coworkers have given me some fun suggestions of things to check out. My uncle, the baby, and I spent our first weekend in Portland. I’ll write about that and my first week back seeing patients in the next post (which hopefully will be next weekend…truly, I hope). If you have any suggestions of what I need to see, eat, do, or experience in Oregon, PLEASE let me know! I’m here for 7 months and I want to explore!

mfg

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Motherhood

Let’s talk about Postpartum (Part 1)

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Peanut is now 6 months old and it feels like just yesterday but also oddly really long ago that I was in the postpartum phase of my fertility journey.

As a medical student and resident physician, I did not receive a lot of training about the postpartum period. The postpartum period is generally considered the 6-week timeframe following delivery. I knew the big pointers and things often tested on exams:

  • the difference between Baby Blues and Postpartum Depression
  • vaginal bleeding goes through different phases of coloration
  • the uterus size decreases over several weeks
  • breastfeeding does not necessarily come naturally to the birthing person and/or baby
  • sore nipples if breastfeeding
  • how to monitor baby’s weight gain appropriately

That’s about it. I would venture to say that most of you reading this know about most of those things even if you or your partner haven’t gone through the postpartum period personally.

  • My co-residents/baby doctors visiting us Postpartum Day 1

Learning from experience

I definitely did not feel fully informed/prepared for the recovery time after delivery. All of my knowledge was so generalized. Yes, I knew I would bleed, but for how long? I knew that I would have sore nipples if I was successful with breastfeeding, but for how long? And I figured the vaginal area would hurt after pressing a human out of it, but again, for how long? When would it be ok to start working out again? Which workouts would be best?

I had a great birthing experience, was able to do it without pain medications, but I did have an episiotomy. Every birthing story is unique and I can only speak from my own experience from the singular birth I’ve ever gone through (as the birthing person). So the experience is likely very different for someone who had an epidural or difficult delivery or there were problems with the baby.

Talking to my tribe

Speaking with my friends in Germany who have given birth and following their postpartum journey, I was reminded of how very different the postpartum period is depending on your location. It’s a special feeling speaking with others who have gone through labor and delivery because they can understand and relate so much better than someone who hasn’t. That’s essentially the case with any experience in life though really. That’s why support groups can work so well.

I asked my friends and my Instagram followers to share some of their stories and experiences with me. I want to summarize some of the things they shared over several posts. Additionally, I’d like to highlight some of the differences between a postpartum journey in the USA versus Germany. Finally, I’ll share some of the products birthing people and their partners shared with me which they found particularly helpful during the postpartum period. (I am not receiving any merchandise or financial reward for mentioning any of the products. These are purely recommendations from people who felt it made their postpartum lives a bit easier.)

  • PPD 1
  • PPD 2
  • PPD 3
As you can see, the belly is not gone as soon as the baby is out. I looked about 36w, 33w, and 28w pregnant the three days following the delivery.

Postpartum Surprises

Personally, I didn’t anticipate how hard it would be to just sit down anywhere after my episiotomy. Healing from that was really the only thing I disliked during my postpartum period. Everyone gets instructed on perineal care after delivery even if you don’t have a tear or episiotomy that needed suturing. Essentially every time you use the restroom, you have to flush the area with water to keep it clean. Now imagine a major wound healing in the perineal area. It made walking uncomfortable and sitting comfortably nearly impossible.

Add to that the normal bleeding after delivery. Going to the bathroom was such a process. Changing the blood-drenched padding, waiting for the water to be somewhat warm so you could fill the squeeze bottle with it, flushing the area, patting the area dry, applying the pain-numbing spray, and getting all dressed again, every. single. time.

Poop PSA

Speaking of using the bathroom. Let’s be very frank about pooping after delivery. (Pooping during delivery is totally normal and I assure you neither the nurses nor the doctors care one bit. If you are worried about your partner feeling some type of way about it, maybe reevaluate your choice in a partner) Postpartum pooping is not a joke. My advice to everyone having a delivery… DO NOT FORGET TO TAKE STOOL SOFTENERS! Between the hormonal changes, not drinking sufficient (if any) water during or after delivery, the organs shifting into a new place after the baby is out, and extremely decreased physical movement after the delivery, constipation is nearly unavoidable.

I was very diligent about taking Miralax during my pregnancy. In the hospital, I was given a stool softener. When I arrived back home 24 hours after the delivery,… I forgot to continue taking the Miralax. BIG MISTAKE. I have never been so constipated in my life. I was also worried about the episiotomy wound healing ok while trying to have a bowel movement. If you remember anything from this post, please remember to take your stool softeners after delivery!

  • PPD 6
  • PPD 21
At three weeks postpartum, I still looked 25 weeks pregnant

What surprised the Tribe?

Here are some of the responses I received when I asked, “What surprised you the most about the first few weeks after birth?”

  • How I slept with the light on because I was afraid of everything!
  • How awful breastfeeding is./The struggles relating to breastfeeding./ That breastfeeding is not a given and works right away
  • All the blood. All the belly. And how quickly it went away!
  • The impact of sleep deprivation on every. Single. Area. Of my life
  • How little sleep I actually needed
  • My joints did not feel strong for a long time! They almost felt wore out. Boo!
  • That first post-birth poop. Nothing prepared me for that lol (Remember people, stool softeners are your friend)
  • No time for anything – even though we were two people. Sometimes hardly found time to eat
  • How tired/emotional I felt, how terrified I was of doing something wrong
  • Bladder control after, cramping while nursing, overproduction of milk
  • Crying for no reason!
  • How the baby was emotionless until week 4-6. Cried at birth, but within 10 minutes just quiet and examining.

I can relate.

I could relate to quite a few of these. It took me a few nights to figure out just how much light I needed in the room to sleep and function when the baby was awake. I tried different night lights and having the lights on in the hallway. Eventually, I landed on just having the light from my Owlet base station be enough for me to see in the dark once my eyes adjusted. That is still all the light I have on during the night now.

My breastfeeding experience was rather uncomplicated except for the sore nipples. Oh my. It is quite the transition from not using your nipples and trying to avoid wardrobe malfunctions to having them constantly being used and whipped out in all sorts of settings. I’ve been a rather flat-chested person for most of my life. The engorgement and sudden seemingly Pamela Anderson-sized boobs were an experience. There were definitely a few days where it hurt pretty bad for the first 30-60 seconds when the baby latched on. With time, lots of nipple cream, and repeated use, the pain disappeared and the cracks healed. My boobs had a different shape, size, and consistency to them multiple times a day for the first several weeks. Eventually, those changes become more subtle.

Sleep deprivation was not a huge issue for me. It just feels like I have been on call for the past 6 months lol. Medical school and residency definitely trained me well. A while back, I learned that breastfeeding parents don’t interrupt their sleep cycles like non-breastfeeding parents do when they are awake with the baby. The body is wired in a way that allows breastfeeding parents to quickly fall back into the sleep cycle pattern they woke up from. Mother Nature’s way of trying to help with the sleep deprivation a bit, I guess.

Postpartum awareness

Society at large knows more about pregnancy than it does postpartum. There is also the weird fact that pregnant bodies are admired and praised while postpartum bodies are immediately judged and misunderstood. I hope to raise some awareness about postpartum and normalize it. It’s the fourth trimester and belongs to pregnancy as much as the first three trimesters with the baby still in the belly. It has its own unique challenges and I would say a much steeper learning curve than any of the trimesters with baby still on the inside.

I would love to hear from you about what surprised you the most about your own or your partner’s postpartum journey! Let’s share our experiences so postpartum parents don’t feel so alone in their experience and soon-to-be postpartumers are a bit more prepared for what’s to come!

mfg

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Herstory, Motherhood

How to make a baby. No birds or bees necessary.

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Fertility treatments are on a spectrum of how much is involved in achieving a pregnancy. On one end, you have home insemination kits where you buy the sperm and it gets injected into the vagina. The sperm then have to find their way through the cervix to the uterus, up the fallopian tube where they hopefully find an egg coming their way. On the other end of the spectrum lies IVF. This can involve many hormone shots, egg retrieval procedures, fertilization of the egg with a single sperm, genetic testing of the embryos, and implantation into the uterus.

My journey as one step up from home insemination. No turkey baster for me!

Intrauterine Insemination (IUI)

The procedure I had performed was called intrauterine insemination. In other words, washed sperm is injected with a syringe and tubing that has been placed through the cervical opening directly into the uterus. It’s essentially a fast pass for the sperm because they don’t have to find their way through the cervix themselves. “Washed” sperm means that any mucous and non-motile sperm have been removed. This leaves the good swimmers left and increases the chances of pregnancy.

Eisprung

Eisprung is the German term for ovulation. Literally translated, it means egg jump. I’d like to think of my eggs as little athletes who have to jump to get where they want to go, lol.

Before the IUI could be performed, I had to predict when my ovulation was going to happen (i.e. when the egg gets released from the ovaries). To do this, I would start using an ovulation predictor kit (available at drug stores/grocery stores and online)about 4 days after my period ended. Each woman has her own cycle length. I had recorded mine for many months prior to starting to try to conceive using an App. That way, I had a pretty good estimate of when things might happen since my cycles were fairly regular.

Ovulation occurs about 14 days before the next menstruation starts. That’s only helpful information if you know the average length of your cycle. Otherwise, when your period starts, you can only say you ovulated about 2 weeks prior. That’s not helpful when you need to know when you’re going to ovulate for a procedure. There are some physical signs you might be ovulating soon. The consistency of the cervical mucous changes to become more watery around the time of ovulation. This allows for sperm to more easily get through the cervix to their destination.

Smile! You’re about to ovulate!

To use the ovulation predictor kits, you have to either pee on the tester or dunk it in a cup of pee in the morning and wait. The one I used showed a smiley face if your ovulation was likely to happen in the next 24 hours. The test looks for the LH (luteinizing hormone) surge. The surge in LH triggers ovulation.

For the first round of IUI, my smiley face unfortunately presented itself the day before my family medicine board exam. I wouldn’t have been able to move that so I spoke with my doctor and decided to do it a day later. This drastically decreased my chances of it working out. However, I had ordered two vials of sperm and was only going to be in the area for two months. I didn’t want to pay for storage or shipping fees if I would’ve had sperm left over.

Not surprisingly, the first round didn’t work (even with my fertility dance). I wasn’t too upset about it since I knew the chances were slim.

Round two went much more smoothly.

Making a baby with my mom in the room

My mother was with me for both of my IUI sessions. I felt it was really nice to share that moment with her and I think she quite enjoyed it as well. Great story to tell my child someday.

So when the smiley face showed up the second time, things really fell into place. I was able to get off of work to have the procedure done the next day.

First, we had to show up an hour before the scheduled appointment to sign off on the sperm. This allowed the fertility clinic to process the frozen sperm for the procedure. An hour later, my mother and I were sitting in the exam room. A nurse practitioner came in, verified my identity, and had me verify my sperm donor’s information on the vial. Then I laid back, relaxed, put my feet up and the NP injected the sperm into my uterus. Afterwards, I laid there for about 10 minutes. That was it. Pretty uneventful. Not painful. And less fun than the alternative way of getting pregnant.

Two lines!

Two weeks after the IUI and on my last day of residency, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive!

My excitement was contained. I was very happy that it worked. I had never been pregnant so I was excited that I now knew I could become pregnant. Knowing how many more steps there were until I would be able to hold my hopefully healthy baby, my reaction to the positive test was not comparable to that in the movies. But I was definitely excited for the many milestones ahead and knew that with each of them, my excitement would grow.

Check, please!

One of the questions I often get is how much this all costs. I can only say what I paid. Each fertility journey is different with MANY different factors that can effect the cost. Some fertility clinics have all-included packages or reduced prices for self pay. I was self pay since my health insurance didn’t cover fertility treatments at the facility.

My expenses, including office visits, genetic testing, labs, imagining, IUIs, and sperm came to about $3,750.00 total. Each additional round of IUI would’ve cost me about $820 (sperm + IUI procedure).

I was grateful to be a position where I was able to save up and afford this. It would be nice to see health insurances increasing their coverage of fertility treatments. Maybe not primarily in my scenario but rather for people dealing with infertility. Infertility is a medical disorder, it’s not something people choose to have. My opinion is that it should be treated as such and be funded like other medical disorders are too.

Correction

Before I wrap up this post, I did want to make a correction to my previous post. I have since then learned that it actually IS possible for single women and lesbian couples to have fertility treatments done in Germany. I had someone come visit me a few days ago who is currently pregnant, a single mother by choice and had her procedure done in Germany. Apparently, the laws have changed somewhat which created a gray zone in the legislature. This made it possible for fertility clinics to start offering the services. So YAY to that!

mfg

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Herstory, Motherhood

The Workup

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Greetings from Germany! Peanut and I have been in Germany for almost two weeks now. Family and friends are stopping by to get to know peanut and I’m eating a ton of yummy German food.

Miami at 27 weeks

In the last post, I explained how I chose my sperm donor. Before I could try becoming pregnant, however, there was a list of things I needed to do first. Keep in mind that each person’s fertility journey is unique and every clinic has its own unique protocols. I can only speak from experience about my journey with the clinic I chose.

The R.E.I. Specialist

No, not someone who is really into camping and works at the Recreational Equipment Inc. but rather a Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility specialist. First on the list was a consultation with an REI specialist. As I had mentioned, a lovely woman I met during residency, who was finishing up her REI fellowship, recommended I have a consultation with her friend and co-fellow. This was during the beginning months of the pandemic, so it was a virtual visit.

We discussed my general medical history, sexual history, and desire to conceive. She explained the process and the steps that would be necessary to move forward. She ordered some basic labs as well as labs more specific to fertility such as follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) and anti-mullerian hormone (AMH). Sexually transmitted infections testing was also done. A pelvic ultrasound was ordered to take a look at my ovaries and uterus. A hysterosalpingogram (HSG) was ordered as well. An HSG is a radiological procedure where a contrast solution is injected into the uterus through the cervix to show the contour of the uterus and assess if the fallopian tubes are open.

I also opted to have genetic testing performed to look for an exhaustingly long list of recessive genetic disorders. My sperm donor did not have genetic testing done prior to being allowed to donate. The sperm bank I used now requires all new donors to be tested. I really wanted this particular donor and felt that if my recessive gene test panel was negative, then I could move forward with him. For those of you who don’t remember how recessive genes work, both parents have to have the recessive gene AND pass it on to the child for it to affect the child. So, if I wasn’t positive for any recessive genetic disorders but the donor was, my child wouldn’t be affected. They could still be a carrier for the disease but I’ll end the genetics lesson here. Thankfully, my entire workup was unremarkable.

The Cardiologist

Prior to my REI appointment, I had an echocardiogram done to assess my heart. I have always had somewhat hyper-mobile joints and am quite tall with low back issues at times. The possibility of Marfan’s disease had crossed my mind on several occasions. I was never too worried about it until I was seriously contemplating becoming pregnant. It didn’t necessarily help when a physician assistant at one of my rotations told me the story of how she knew a girl whose mother died during childbirth from aortic rupture due to undiagnosed Marfan’s syndrome. Thankfully, my heart is fine.

The Geneticist

Despite the normal echo, I also met with a geneticist to discuss genetic testing for Marfan’s syndrome and other connective tissue disorders. I had a genetic connective tissue disorder panel done. Again, thankfully it was all normal. Now I felt like I could definitely move forward with trying to conceive and carry a child.

The Psychologist

A mandatory step prior to trying to conceive with the fertility clinic was meeting with a specialized clinical psychologist. We discussed my desire to become a mother, why it hadn’t happened with a partner yet, and how I plan to raise the child. She gave me really great insight into several topics.

  • Motherhood: this means different things to different people. There are also different aspects to motherhood and you may use all of them or just some. Motherhood can mean contributing your DNA to create a child and/or being pregnant and/or raising a child. I am very, very fortunate to be able to have all three aspects with my child. Some people use surrogates or require an egg donor. Some (myself hopefully included someday) adopt and raise children. These people are all mothers. For some, certain aspects might be particularly important. I really wanted the experience of pregnancy and knew I would be very sad if I couldn’t.
  • Sperm donor children: apparently, there are online sites where you can register with your sperm donor’s number/sperm bank information and find other families that used the same donor. This way, the half siblings can meet up. I do not plan on doing this unless my child decides they would like to. Then, I’ll support it 100%. My family is big and I have a lot of friends, so I don’t currently feel the need to expand that even further.
  • Single mother by choice: there is definitely a community of women, like myself, who have decided to be single mothers. There are websites, forums, Facebook groups, etc. where I could go and find support should I need it.
  • Raising a donor child as a single mother: the psychologist told me that there are multiple children’s books available that address this topic. In today’s world, there are so many different types of family structures raising children: mom & dad, mom & mom, dad & dad, single mom, single dad, step-parents, grand-parents, aunts & uncles, etc. I have to raise my child showing them all these different structures so that they don’t feel like someone (“dad”) is missing.

Checklist complete

Luckily, my entire workup was unremarkable and I received the green light from the psychologist to move forward with trying to conceive. I selected my sperm donor and ordered the sperm. Although the fertility clinic recommended I order four vials of sperm, I only ordered two. They had told me that most people conceive within three rounds of intrauterine insemination (IUI) (I’ll go into more detail about this in a future post). I was only going to be in the Ohio area for two more months before traveling and then heading out to South Dakota for work. If it hadn’t worked in two rounds, I would’ve established care in South Dakota and would’ve shipped more sperm there.

My appointment with the REI specialist was June 1st, 2020. My first round of IUI was July 14th. It took about a month to get the entire workup completed. I was then able to start the routine for the IUI. That will be the subject of my next post!

Svikki MD

On a different note, things are in the works for my next assignments! The first assignment will be somewhere in Ohio from September through December. In January, I will most likely be out in Oregon for 7 months! I’ll share more details once things are locked in.

As always, feel free to reach out with any questions you may have. I’ve really loved the outreach so far and getting to speak with people about sperm donor pregnancies. Really exciting news pertaining to this came out of France this week. France has passed a law allowing single women and lesbian couples to get fertility treatment! This was previously only allowed for heterosexual couples. Similar rights exist in 10 EU countries, the UK, Norway, and Iceland. Germany is unfortunately not one of the 10 EU countries that allow single women and lesbian couples to receive fertility treatments.

I am so thankful I was allowed to pursue my dream of motherhood on my own terms.

mfg

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Herstory, Motherhood

So many choices

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It has been a great 7 weeks so far as a mother. We took a two-week trip to Wisconsin to visit family and have been back in Ohio for almost two weeks now. There has been some increased crying over the past two weeks but the nights are still very manageable. We’ve applied for the American and German passports and received the American one in the mail yesterday!

Baby’s first flight

Ok, so let’s talk about the process of how I got pregnant a bit more. I’ll share different parts of the journey with each post. I already shared why I decided to become a single mother by choice in my previous post. As I had mentioned, I happened to meet a reproductive endocrinology and infertility doctor during residency. She gave me some recommendations on sperm banks she liked working with. That is where I began the journey.

Choosing a Donor

If you were to line up the men I dated over the past 10 years, you’d notice they are quite the diverse group of fellas. They all had fairly similar personalities, however. Something obvious would be that the majority of them were black. Over the past 10 years, when envisioning my future children, I often envisioned them to be mix-raced due to the men I was dating. When it came to choosing a sperm donor, however, I decided to choose a caucasian donor.

Although I mainly dated black men in my life, I did not think it was fair for me to have a mixed-race child that society would see as black and not have a partner present to help that child navigate the world (especially in the USA) as a black child. I don’t know what it’s like to be black. I’m aware I live in a world that (besides my gender identity), is built for me to thrive in and I do not have the same obstacles. Although I intend to adopt in the future and there is a chance my adopted child will be black, they already exist in the world and I am giving them a loving home to grow up in. In that case, I will also make sure they have exposure and connections to that community.

Taking care of business

So once I decided on my donor being caucasian, I narrowed down the list with a few aspects. I wanted the donor’s description to be as close as possible to someone I would be attracted to. I first narrowed it down to donors who are taller than me. Then, I eliminated the blondes. Although I’ve dated a blonde or two, they usually aren’t what I’m attracted to. That narrowed the list down to around 10 donors. I requested extended profiles for each of them.

Tell me everything!

The extended profiles were about 30 pages worth of information on each donor. They covered information including:

  • Donor Fertility History
  • Donor Health History
  • Nutrition
  • Exercise
  • Medical History
  • Exposure History
  • Tobacco Use
  • Alcohol Use
  • Caffeine Use
  • Work History/Experience
  • Sexual History and Relationships
  • Family Health History
  • Ancestry
  • Children’s Medical History
  • Personal Essays
  • Personal Characteristics
  • Physical Features
  • Psychological Profile
  • Detailed Family History of Father, Mother, Siblings, Grandparents, Aunt and Uncles

As you can see, that’s a lot of information. I’d venture to bet that is more than some people know about the person they decided to procreate with.

My donor was the third profile I read from the ten I requested. Everything was perfect for me except for a cat allergy (and there is loratadine for that should my child inherit that particular trait). Some important aspects for me were Family Medical History, Psychological Profile and Physical Features. His personality is similar to mine and we have many of the same interests. The personal essays were interesting to read. While my donor had a very genuine and kind reason for wanting to be a sperm donor, others were less impressive. My favorite answer from one of the donors when asked why he wanted to be a sperm donor was “honestly, I didn’t know I could get paid for this!”. While I appreciate your honesty, bro, no thanks.

I was visiting my father at the time I was vetting through the profiles and would read them out loud to him. When I excitedly read my donor’s profile to him, he asked if I was choosing a donor or my next boyfriend. I guess that is a good sign.

Show me the money!

You can spend a fortune on choosing a donor if you so please. Firstly, different sperm banks have different prices for a vial of sperm. It was recommended that I order 4 vials. I only ordered two, but more on that in a later post when I talk about the process. The sperm bank I went with charges $500/vial. There are sperm banks that charge upwards of $1000/vial.

Besides the extended profile, the other extra thing I paid for was some childhood pictures of my donor. My sperm bank does not provide current photos of their donors but does mention celebrity look-a-likes. Other sperm banks do supply a current photo for a fee. The only other extra item my sperm bank offers is an audio file of the donor. I opted not to purchase that (although maybe I will in the future). Other sperm banks have a plethora of extras you can purchase. This can quickly make the sperm donor choosing process an expensive one.

Lake-side snack

Call me, maybe?

One last thing that was very important to me: an open donor. This was important to me and also strongly recommended by the reproductive psychologist I had an appointment with (more on that in a future post). This means that my child will have the option to contact the sperm bank and obtain contact information of the donor when they turn 18. In a day and age of DNA test kits, the last thing you want is your child to take a test, find their biological father and that person wants nothing to do with them. I will support my child’s decision, whichever way they decide to go with this.

What’s in a name?

That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet. That might work for Shakespeare and his Montague and Capulets. But what do you or your child call the sperm donor? Do you always say “sperm donor”? I don’t really want my child to refer to that person as “the sperm donor”. I still have a bit of time before this actually becomes a topic of discussion with my child, but currently, I am leaning towards referring to the sperm donor as their father when talking to others. When it comes to talking with my child about it, I still haven’t decided how exactly I’ll refer to the sperm donor. Supposedly there are children’s books available for these situations. I’ll have to find and buy them soon.

I feel father is a formal name for a person whose DNA helped create a child. The term “Dad”, in my opinion, is reserved for the person who raises the child. There are many different family structures in the world and I’m interested to know how other families have decided to handle their titles.

Gratitude for the Donor

My fertility journey could not have gone more perfectly than it did. I had an amazing pregnancy, wonderful delivery experience and now have a beautiful, healthy child to hold and call my own. Although I don’t know who the sperm donor is, I am grateful for him. I’m grateful that he decided to become a donor. The other candidates I looked through weren’t nearly as great on paper. In a way, I know a lot about this man from the information in his extended profile (granted he was truthful about his supplied information).

Potentially I’ll get to know more about him in 18 years if my child decides to reach out. But even if that doesn’t happen, I am content with the information I do know and believe that he is a person I would enjoy being around. I’m sure I will see glimpses of him and his family in my child when I don’t recognize certain aspects as being from me or my family.

One thing I do know, is that I will speak kindly about this man to my child because without him, my child wouldn’t be who they are.

mfg

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