solo mom Archives

Namaste India!

August 12, 2024 No Comments

We’ve been in India for a week now. I had hoped to post about all my previous travels on here before even getting here but the reality is, I have essentially no disposable time ever.

I am starting to write this post while Mäuschen jumps around in my arms and Mausi is playing in the indoor playground we are now visiting for the third time this week. The heavy monsoon rains aren’t exactly inviting for outdoor activities. That hasn’t stopped us from undertaking trips but they are not the easiest to manage.

JOURNEY TO INDIA

Our flight was 7h30 long and a daytime flight from Frankfurt to Delhi. The other flight options were inconvenient timing with kids. With one child, I preferred red eye because Mausi usually slept most of the flight. This flight however had us arriving in India when the local time in Germany was just a bit past bedtime and I figured we could acclimate quicker. This did however also mean that I would have to entertain two kids on the plane for most of the journey. Or so I thought.

About 2 hours into the flight, the announcement came asking for a doctor onboard. I was just finishing up in the lavatory with the kids when we rushed out to see how I could help. Surely I wouldn’t be the only doctor onboard this huge plane headed to India.

I was. At least I was the only one that responded to the announcement.

MILE HIGH DR. HASSELHOF

The passenger was having an allergic reaction with watery/red eyes, nasal congestion, and difficulty breathing. There was a language barrier but from what I could gather, he started having symptoms after eating lunch. The flight attendant informed me that it was a shrimp dish. Ah-ha! Our likely culprit.

INITIAL ASSESSMENT

He was already wearing oxygen when I arrived at his side. The flight attendants brought over a kit with medication. The only antihistamine available was an unknown dose of loratadine. Neither the folder nor the blister pack said what dose it was. We started with that.

Meanwhile, Mausi was running around the cabin and Mäuschen was screaming bloody murder while another flight attendant swayed back and forth.

After having given the passenger the loratadine and checking vitals, I wanted to check the medical suitcase to see what other medications were available to me in case things escalated.

PREPARING FOR THE WORST

I sat on the floor breastfeeding Mäuschen next to a flight attendant while we looked through the medical suitcase. I was on the lookout for an EpiPen. Unfortunately, there wasn’t one. Only a vial of adrenaline. Thankfully, there was a literature that explained how to mix the right proportions for IV administration. We tore open the IV bag to get all the supplies we needed for me to place an IV should it come to this. We discussed how we would mix and dose the medication if needed.

All while passengers were squeezing past us to get to the toilets on the lower level. A medical emergency was no place for modesty and I was boob full out breastfeeding to manage Mäuschen and simultaneously get medical equipment ready. Priorities.

MONITORING PHASE

We moved the patient to a stretcher in the back of the plane to make him more comfortable and more accessible to us.

We continued to monitor his vitals which included elevated blood pressure (not surprising given the circumstances), stable oxygen saturations, stable blood sugar, and a slightly tachycardic pulse of 103 (again, no surprise there).

His symptoms had improved in regard to the allergic reaction. After about an hour, I took him off of the oxygen to see how he managed.

The guy was obese with supposedly no medical issues or chronic medications. Off oxygen, his saturation started falling again. When I asked him to take some deep breaths, his O2 sats shot back into the mid-90s.

Eventually, he fell asleep (sort of an upgrade to business class for him since he got to sleep lying flat) and we continued to monitor. While asleep on his back, his O2 sat fell to the mid-70s. The altitude likely wasn’t helping but I presume he lives in a hypoxic state at night at home too.

Since we were monitoring him though and seeing that mid-70s number, I decided to place him on O2 again. The lowest dose available was 2L. And almost immediately, the O2 shot up to 98%.

DECISION TIME

A while later, the flight attendant informed me that we were nearing emptying 2 bottles of oxygen and if we were to use a third, the airplane wouldn’t be able to return to Frankfurt because they wouldn’t have the minimum required oxygen bottles on board and they don’t get replenished in Delhi.

It was time to discontinue the guy’s semi-business class experience and I had him sit up instead of sleeping lying down. I monitored him for another 15 minutes off of oxygen while seated and awake. His O2 sats were absolutely fine. He was released back to his original seat.

WRAPPING IT UP

Throughout the process, I kept him and his wife informed of what we were doing. A flight attendant was trying her best to keep Mausi entertained by reading books, playing games, and providing snacks. I had strapped Mäuschen to my back after the breastfeeding session so I could move around more freely.

One other person had responded to the announcement initially made. A respiratory therapist. Luckily, we did not require their particular skill set for this situation. I can not say enough how happy I am that this passenger did not have a full-blown anaphylactic reaction.

The entire crew was very appreciative of my assistance and offered me drinks and meals. This was not the first medical emergency I’ve responded to but it was the first I was offered compensation for. Although completely unnecessary, I was grateful and happy to accept the offer.

All in all, everything worked out. I gave the patient and his wife a summary of what occurred on board to provide to a primary care physician (which I recommend he start visiting). Furthermore, I strongly encouraged him to have his blood pressure rechecked and discuss having a sleep study done looking for sleep apnea. I also strongly encouraged him to avoid shrimp and maybe see an allergist and get a prescription for an EpiPen.

And with that, we landed in Delhi just a short while later.

DELHI TO JAIPUR

We arrived in Delhi at 1 AM. By the time we were through customs and got to our hotel and into bed, it was almost 3 AM local time.

The next morning, I had someone come to the hotel to do my FBI fingerprinting for my medical license. A nice thing about India is that you can arrange a lot of services to come to you!

A few hours later, we were back at the airport to catch our flight to Jaipur.

The whole travel day from Germany to India was less stressful than the short trip from Delhi to Jaipur. Mausi was on one… probably due to a prior travel day. Tantrums, not listening, etc. It was a lot to handle. I am empathetic that the kids go through a lot with me sometimes and am sympathetic when it all gets a bit overstimulating.

We did eventually make it to our AirBnB. Our host had the fridge stocked with a few basics so we were able to eat some toast before heading to bed.

JAIPUR

So now we’ve been in Jaipur for a week. On all my previous India visits, I didn’t have to worry about day-to-day operations. I was either on a fully planned itinerary or visiting people I knew who took care of it all. There was a learning curve to managing the basics as well as acclimating to the Indian surroundings again.

Our AirBnB host has been so incredibly helpful in many situations. I try to be as independent as possible. I bought an Indian eSIM in the hopes of obtaining an Indian number. Many of the apps require but was only able to find data eSIMs that don’t come with an Indian number. The host said he is happy to order food, groceries, etc. on my behalf so I don’t have to obtain a physical SIM card. If I happen to pass a SIM store, I might still get one to gain some more independence.

It is still monsoon season in India and I think it has rained every day so far. Yesterday there were heavy rains. This hasn’t stopped us from leaving the apartment though.

Thankfully, we found this indoor playground. It is filled with things to play with, climb on, slide down, jump on. The first hour is 500 INR ( approx. $6) and every additional half hour is 150 INR (approx. $1.80).

OPEN TO OPPORTUNITIES

I have a list of attractions I’d like to see while we are in town over the next few weeks. I’m not putting a lot of pressure on myself to see something daily. So many factors affect the ability to do things.

One day, we headed towards Jantar Mantar, which is a large area filled with large astronomical instruments. I was looking for a place for Mausi to run around and get some energy out while also seeing something.

We were approached by a driver outside of the entrance. He inquired if we were going to Jantar Mantar. After sharing that this was our plan, he suggested an alternative itinerary. Since Jantar Mantar is best visited in sunny conditions given many of the instruments require the sun. For just 400 INR ($4.75) he offered to drive us to three sites. He explained that the royal tombs were also a great place to run around, were beautiful, and had an entrance fee of only 50 INR ($0.60).

It sounded like a good plan to me so we went for it.

GAITOR KI CHHATRIYAN

Not so much the royal tombs as advertised by Ali, our driver, but rather the royal crematory and cenotaph of the royal family of Jaipur. Nonetheless, it was a beautiful location indeed and the drizzle made it seem even more mystical.

For just 50 INR for foreigners (the kids were free), we were able to run around and explore.

We quickly encountered a group of Indian women in beautiful, colorful saris. I offered to take pictures of the group as one woman was always out of the group taking pictures of the others. Mausi wanted to take a picture with them which they were happy to do.

(If you want to feel like you are traveling with a celebrity, travel to India as a foreigner with a small child. I constantly have to tell people not to take pictures of the kids or touch them.)

We continued to explore the grounds.

MEHNDI

After we were through, Mausi and I had mehndi applied to our arm. Convincing a preschool not to touch their arm for 20 minutes while ensuring they don’t get henna all over the car or themselves while also having one arm full of drying mehndi and a baby on your other arm is no simple task. But we managed. And now we both have a lovely mehndi design on our arm for a few days.

Then it was off to see Jal Mahal, the lake palace. With the aforementioned drying mehndi, the rain, and the crowds of people, it was all a bit much for me. We just popped out to snap a pic and then got back into the car.

HAND BLOCK PRINTING FACTORY

Many drivers will take you to a shop/workshop to see local crafts as well and hope you’ll buy something. I’m certain the driver gets a commission on sales made from the tourists they provide. In this case, I didn’t mind as I intended to visit a block print workshop/store anyway.

A man greeted us at the door and started by showing us how block print is done. This was not my first rodeo. It was nice that Mausi was able to learn how it is done and was able to help block print an elephant design. Afterwards, we were led into the shop. I was given a masala chai and Mausi was given some chocolate and water.

They were about to present us with finished block print products for purchase but that wasn’t what I was interested in. I asked them to take us to the block-printed fabrics to make tailored outfits.

Mausi quickly picked out a multi-colored elephant print for a dress before running around the shop and entertaining the other workers, playing soccer with them, and chatting them up in German.

I proceeded to choose two fabric designs for my dresses, two designs for pants for Mäuschen, and a pair of pants for myself. The tailor came to take our measurements and I took pictures of the various block-printed fabrics to send to my mother.

All in all, 2 adult dresses, 1 pair of adult pants, 1 preschooler dress, and 2 baby trousers all tailor-made cost 11,700 INR ($140). I paid half as a deposit and was told they would be delivered to my home in two days at which time I would pay the rest.

I will share the results once I receive the goods. Without seeing the fabric printed before your own eyes, there is always a hint of doubt, about whether or not the fabric is truly block print or a good screen print rip-off.

We then headed back home after a day of adventures with two tired children.

I was so happy that the day unfolded in such a positive way.

I took the driver’s contact info and he drove us the next day to run some errands and visit the elephant village.

ELEPHANT VILLAGE

Going to the Elephant Village rather than Elephantastic was a recommendation from our driver. Since I want to experience many different activities in Jaipur, I decided to give his recommendation a try. The website made it seem like the less pricey option compared to other elephant experiences in Jaipur without listing exact prices. I really should’ve known better to follow up on pricing before agreeing to go.

Two years ago, my mother, her partner, Mausi, and I visited Elephantastic in Jaipur. We had a lovely day getting to know the elephant, feeding her, painting her, washing her, and walking with her. We were provided a snack and at the end of the experience, were provided a home-cooked Indian meal. Overall a great experience and cost about $80 per person.

At the Elefant Village, which I was told was a project from the government to get the elephants out of the city and into a more calm location for them, was significantly pricier. I was offered the “combo” package which included petting, feeding, painting, washing, walking, or riding the elephant for $350 per person. No, thank you. Since we had already made it to the location after getting through the flooded streets and spending well over an hour in the car, I at least wanted to feed and paint the elephant. I wasn’t confident the children would be up for much more than that. For Mausi and I, these two activities cost me $130. So, not a great deal. Lesson learned. I’ll graciously accept recommendations but do my research before blindly following those recommendations.

I’m still happy we got to spend time with such a beautiful creature and it was Mäuschen’s first encounter with the gentle giant. Mausi had equal fun with the elephant and playing in the muddy puddles.

EXPERIENCING JAIPUR

Learning more about block print is what inspired me to choose Jaipur as our location for an extended stay in India. I didn’t fully take into consideration the monsoon time. Luckily, we are on the tail end of the season. I am trying to get Mäuschen to take a bottle so that I can partake in some workshops and hire a babysitter.

There are so many incredible hotels, restaurants, cafes, and bars in Jaipur. Having two small children which includes the energizer bunny and without additional help, it is hard to try to experience them. I’m determined to at least visit a few of the hotels as sight visits so I have an idea of what the places are like. Let’s see what I can achieve. I’d like to share a guide/itinerary to Jaipur after our trip.

Now our two hours in the playground are almost over and I was able to finish the first draft of this post. Yay!

Proofreading, editing, and adding pictures will need to wait until the kids are in bed.

mfg

Motherhood

Welcoming Mäuschen

June 6, 2024 1 Comment

We returned from our first fly-away vacation as a family of three a few days ago. I had packed my computer thinking I might be able to snatch a few moments to write this post. The joke was on me though, I merely opened my laptop once to write an email. I had essentially no “free” time at all while in Mallorca. We had a really lovely trip though and were joined by my sister for most of the trip.

I’ll share more about our Mallorca trip in a separate post.

PAST

But for now, I wanted to finally share my birth story. It’s already been over three months!

Dress rehearsal

A few days before the delivery, I experienced contractions. They were frequent but not regular. However, they did last about 4 hours. It was late evening and my toddler was running a fever that night. So when Mausi woke up and needed comforting, the contractions eventually stopped.

The following days were uneventful with no real contractions. I had a prenatal visit the day before the due date and things looked fine but no signs of imminent delivery.

I had an induction with my first pregnancy on the due date. At that time, my cervix was closed and I hadn’t experienced any sort of regular contractions before. I induced on the due date because I lived 1.5 hours away from the hospital and didn’t want a 3-hour round-trip drive every other day for monitoring.

Since things seemed pretty chill the day before the due date and my cervix was still closed, I made plans with my aunt, uncle, and mother (who had arrived in Germany a week before the due date) to have lunch the next day.

Tell me your kid is German without telling me your kid is German

03:30 AM

It was the morning of my due date. I had woken up to pee. A rather normal occurrence at this point. However, I was unable to fall asleep again which was odd.

04:30 AM

I started feeling contractions. From the start, they were rather frequent, about every 5 minutes. I decided to monitor them thinking this might just be a false alarm and it’s been 4 minutes, certainly, there wouldn’t be another contraction in the next minute, and….. ohhhhh….. there it is. I decided to monitor it for one hour.

05:30 AM

The contractions continued about every 5 minutes without a break. I got up and started to gather my things for the hospital but still wanted to monitor for another half hour and wait until 6 AM before waking up my mom. She had heard me walking around however and came to see what was going on.

06:30 AM

With continuing regular contractions, I rang my uncle to let him know that I wanted to head to the hospital soon. He was tasked with watching Mausi while I was at the hospital.

07:00 AM

We arrived at the hospital. I was brought into a room and greeted by the night-shift midwife. She performed a cervical check and put me on the monitor. I was only about 1.5 cm dilated. After a half hour on the monitor, she came back with the day shift midwife who was just starting her shift. The baby looked good on the monitor. They asked me if I wanted to go home again, go have breakfast, or go out on a walk. The reason was that they didn’t want me cooped up in a hospital room for so long, since some deliveries can take quite a long time.

We also discussed the type of room I’d like for after the delivery. My options included a shared room, a private room, or a family room. The family room would allow my support person to stay with me, essentially being admitted to the hospital as well, and would be my main helper postpartum. I elected to request the family room. This would cost me about 70€. Gotta love the German healthcare system.

I knew that I would not make it home with the frequency and intensity of the contractions I was having. But, since it was a lovely fresh morning, I opted to take a walk with my mom to a nearby bakery to grab some breakfast. I was informed that I would be able to have more than just one person with me at the delivery so I immediately rang up my best friend so that she could join the party.

08:00 AM

The bakery is just around the corner from the hospital but I was already having to stop with each contraction and focus and breathe through them. I didn’t even have an appetite anymore by the time we made it to the bakery. All I wanted to do was return to the L&D floor. My bestie arrived while my mother and I made our way back to the hospital.

08:30 AM

Back in our room, the midwife seemed surprised to see us back so soon. She reviewed some non-medication pain management strategies including getting into the bathtub. I was very keen on this option as I had always wanted to try it out but this was not available during my first delivery. I imagined it would feel nice to be in the warmth and be supported by the water.

09:00 AM

Off into the tub I went! It felt so nice. The midwife asked which aroma therapy I would like added to the water and I chose lavender. That has always been my go-to relaxation scent and was what I envisioned when thinking about deliveries and aroma therapy.

The contractions were continuing very regularly. I enjoyed the water while chatting with my mom and bestie between contractions. It didn’t take too long though and they became more intense. I was no longer interested in conversations and requested my AirPods.

My mom and bestie went into the main room while I immersed myself in Vivaldi’s Four Seasons. The crescendos and decrescendos lined up so perfectly with some contractions, that it felt almost magical.

09:45 AM

My mom was back in the bathroom with me and massaging my back and neck. I was still immersed in the world of Vivaldi, Bach, and Mozart.

I performed my own cervical check and found that I was about 5 cm. My amniotic sac had not ruptured yet.

A few strong contractions later, I felt the amniotic sac pop at the height of a contraction. Since I was suspended in water, I did not have the same Niagra Falls sensation I did during my first delivery.

10:20 AM

My midwife was back and wanted to do a cervical check. For this, she requested I be lying back some. Up until this point, I had mainly been hanging over the tub edge. It took several contractions to get into the right position. I was completely dilated!

10:40 AM

I got myself back into my preferred position because I felt it was almost time to push. The midwife reapplied the monitor.

10:45 AM

The midwife told me the baby was “reacting” to the contractions and if it wasn’t coming out soon, I’d have to get out of the tub. I knew there was little chance I was going to be able to maneuver myself out of that tub considering the intensity of the contractions.

10:46 AM

During the next contraction, the midwife said the baby was making its way out and it was time to push. I felt that too.

10:51 AM

The midwife told me to take a feel of the very hairy head that was making its way out!

10:54 AM

My final contraction… the midwife instructed me to push, push, push,…now no pushing, just breathe (while she maneuvered the shoulder)… okay now push, push, push. And then I proclaimed “Raus!” (German for “out”).

She handed me the baby between my legs underwater for me to retrieve and lift above water in front of me. And there Mäuschen was. My sweet, not so little, second baby. While admiring their cuteness, one little hand lifted and touched my nose. What an experience! My bestie cut the umbilical cord. My mother had the honor during my first delivery so I wanted to provide this opportunity to my best friend.

11:00 AM

I handed the baby off to my mother at 10:59 AM and got out of the tub and into the hospital bed. Mäuschen was quickly looked over by the midwife but back in my arms and offered to breastfeed by 11:04 AM. I delivered the placenta shortly thereafter and the physician then repaired the tear (my previous episiotomy scar tore).

I was given the option to have an ambulatory delivery. Given that it was so early in the day and I felt great, I elected to proceed with this option as I did not see a reason to stay the night in the hospital and away from my toddler. All we had to do was remain in the hospital for at least 4 hours after the delivery. We weren’t going to make our original lunch plans at 2 PM but decided to get the food to-go and have it at my place just a couple hours after our original planned time would be perfectly acceptable as well.

12:00 PM

Mäuschen received the official first well-child exam from the midwife in the room with me. We spent the next few hours chit-chatting and informing friends and family of Mäuschen’s arrival.

03:40 PM

We took a group picture in the L&D room and then were off to return to my apartment. My best friend drove us but had I needed to, I could’ve probably walked home. The anesthetic local injection for the episiotomy tear was still working very well at this point.

04:10 PM

We arrived back at the apartment and Mausi got to meet Mäuschen for the first time. My aunt, uncle, and cousin had picked up the food. Mausi inspected my now deflated stomach that previously housed their baby sibling as if to verify that the baby had indeed been in my belly. Mausi received an older sibling gift from Mäuschen and then we all sat down to eat. I sure was hungry at this point and enjoyed my well-deserved first real meal of the day.

PRESENT

As I mentioned, we returned from our trip to Mallorca a few days ago. I’ll be sharing pictures and videos from the trip on Instagram and Facebook over the next couple of weeks and plan on writing a dedicated blog post as well.

Mausi continues to go to daycare while Mäuschen accompanies me throughout that time running errands and preparing content to share.

FUTURE

We are off to Croatia soon. My sister will be joining us again! It won’t be a very long trip but I look forward to exploring a new city.

So many trips are planned for the remainder of the year. Looking at the next couple of months:

June: Croatia and Egypt

July: Houseboat tour in Germany and a trip to a location that is yet to be determined. Possibly Itlay or Greece.

I hope you’ll continue to follow along!

mfg

Happiness, Motherhood

And just like that… we are three.

April 10, 2024 1 Comment

The news is out! I’ve welcomed a second child into the world. It was always my intention to have at least two children if possible. I’m beyond grateful that this is now my reality.

I will be taking off the rest of the year from my work as a locum physician to spend time with my kids and do some traveling. My goal is to share much more about my solo motherhood. I’ve received several requests to do more content about being a solo mother by choice. I’m thrilled there is a demand for it and excited to deliver. I’ve always been an open book about this topic whenever anyone would ask me about my decisions. I’m hoping to bring more awareness to this lifestyle, support those considering it for themselves, and cheer on those who are living their lives as solo moms!

I will be sharing videos and info on Instagram/TikTok/Facebook. Additionally, I’ll continue to go more in-depth about these topics here on the blog. As I plan on traveling with the kids soon, I’ll be sharing this as well. I will continue to respect the privacy of my children. This involves not showing their faces in pictures or using their names in text.

I plan to cover the different stages of becoming a mother for a second time as well as being a SMBC. Hopefully, you’ll continue to join me on this journey. Feel free to suggest topics you’d like to see covered or questions you’d like answered! I will do my best to address them!

For this (and possibly future posts) I will split it up into Past, Present, and Future segments. This way, I can discuss my pregnancy journey that was but also keep you in the loop of what is going on now and what is to come!

PAST

Trying To Conceive

My siblings and I are all about 2 1/2 years apart. I wanted a similar age gap for my children. Although trying to conceive and pregnancies can be very unpredictable, I did more or less achieve my goal. After several months of being in Hawaii, I started looking for clinics. It will come as no surprise that there was not one located on Moloka’i. I did speak to the midwife on Moloka’i, who recommended a fertility clinic in Honolulu.

Thankfully, the fertility clinic offered virtual visits for the initial visit. I am a rather straightforward case. I have no known fertility issues. A workup was done with my first pregnancy. I already had sperm bought and didn’t need any hormone assistance for my cycle. Nonetheless, they did want me to do an ultrasound before the first IUI. For regular readers, you’ll know the difficulties of traveling to/from Moloka’i. For the first few trips to Honolulu, I traveled with sort of an entourage. My sister was still in town watching my first child while I was at work, so everyone came along for doctor’s appointments. It was a nice change of pace for us to be in a big city for a few days.

Attempt #1

Since everything looked fine on the ultrasound, I was able to attempt an IUI with the next cycle. I had regular periods for many months before trying to conceive which ended up being extremely helpful with travel planning. Given how unreliable the local airline was, I couldn’t book a ticket the same day or the day before. Consequently, we would spend two or three days in Honolulu. This in itself was not cheap given how expensive Honolulu is. However, given how time-sensitive an IUI is, it was a necessary expense.

I was so stressed during the first attempt. Besides the usual stressing over whether I would get pregnant, I stressed whether we would make it on time with our flights. Not surprisingly, our Honolulu flight was moved by the airline. I felt it was safer to fly to Maui rather than Oahu from Moloka’i and then catch a flight with Hawaiian Airlines from Maui to Oahu. The flights from Molokai to Maui seemed to have less disruptions than those to Honolulu. My sister was back in Austria at this point. Luckily, she had a friend who lived in Honolulu. She was able to watch my child while I went to the fertility clinic for the IUI.

Two weeks later, I took that test. And it was negative. I wasn’t really surprised by this. I just felt too stressed and I didn’t expect it to work right away anyways. Becoming pregnant is ultimately up to Mother Nature (aka biology). You can only do so much but there are so many things that can happen along the way that result in you not getting pregnant. Almost immediately after the negative test, I went ahead and booked my flights and accommodations around the time of my expected next fertility window.

Attempt #2

Having everything booked and squared away at work made me much more relaxed the second time around. My toddler and I flew to Honolulu, ate some good food, and waited for the smiley face on the ovulation test. It appeared as expected and I was able to go into the clinic the next day for the IUI. My sister’s friend again had some time to watch my toddler during the procedure.

An IUI, or intrauterine insemination, is rather straight forward. A speculum is inserted into the vagina to help visualize and access the cervix. A very thin catheter is inserted through the cervix into the uterus and the washed sperm is inserted. I had to lay on the exam table for an additional 10 minutes before I was able to get up and leave. That’s it. Easy peasy.

Clearly, I had a very limited non-work-related wardrobe

Halfway around the world

About a week after the 2nd IUI, we headed on a very long journey to the other side of the world, Germany. This was probably the longest traveling journey I had done so far with a toddler. The time difference between Hawai’i and Germany is 12 hours. Given how long the traveling was (we arrived two days later than we left), my toddler didn’t have significant jet lag. I have only ever experienced jet lag by proxy (because my kid would wake up at odd hours) but not for myself.

I was in the kitchen of my aunt and uncle’s place when I read the result of the pregnancy test.

Positive!!

I was so relieved.

Those who have actively tried to conceive will likely be able to relate to the feeling of relief from that positive pregnancy test. Not only the joy of being pregnant but the instant resolution of stress related to further attempt planning and waiting on a positive result. I am nonetheless always very reserved with my joy about pregnancy because I know how much can go wrong before it all goes right. But at that moment, I was just so happy that it had worked again.

It’s always a gamble to announce a pregnancy early on but considering we were throwing a family reunion, I did inform my family and close friends of the positive result. Always with the caveat that it was still early and a lot could happen. Ultimately, it was up to Mother Nature and I let her take the wheel.

PRESENT

Life with two kids has been a transition… for us all.

Before the arrival of my second child, it was just me and my toddler. Living in rural Moloka’i, this was even more the case than if we had been around family. It was just the two of us against the world. I prepared my toddler weeks in advance for the arrival of a baby. I made a personalized book explaining what would happen when I go into labor so that they would know what’s going on. They were so excited to become a big sibling. I was excited for them,…and also a bit scared of what the transition would be like for them.

Reflection and Growth

The transition has been beautiful but also hard at times. I never really felt that motherhood was hard until I found myself in the position of my toddler having an age-appropriate meltdown and my newborn needing my attention as well. My heart felt torn in two. I had to triage what needed to be done. Thank goodness for the years of medical training to help with that task and stay (relatively) calm. There have been moments where I was not as collected as I would’ve liked to be. The sleep deprivation likely didn’t help much in those moments.

My patience wasn’t as high for toddlerisms as it typically was. After reacting more harshly than I’d like, I’d feel awful that I reacted with a harsher tone. I made sure to apologize to my toddler for my tone so they know they don’t deserve to be spoken to like that. After reflecting on these moments, how they made me feel, how they must have made my toddler feel and how I would like them to feel instead while also reiterating the age appropriateness of their behavior, things have improved.

One of the things that surprised me the most was how I mourned the loss of the closeness to my toddler. Before the baby, I could focus my entire energy and attention on my toddler. Now I couldn’t. I missed our snuggles, our hugs, our playtime. I felt us growing apart. Thankfully, I have family and friends here who jumped in and took over some of those needs. But it still meant they didn’t have their mom there all the time and I didn’t have those experiences with them.

Now, I make the effort to seek closeness with my toddler in the few moments I don’t have the baby in my arms. Even when I am holding the baby, I get down on the ground and play with my toddler as best I can. I feel we’ve developed a new form of closeness that is meeting most of our needs at this point. I am confident we will continue to find our groove.

FUTURE

Not surprisingly, I’ve been feeling the urge to travel again. I’ve booked the three of us a trip to Mallorca, Spain towards the end of May. We might take a road trip to the Netherlands towards the beginning of May (depending on the weather). In a couple of weeks, I am taking the kids to southern Germany for a family event.

Traveling with two kids will certainly be another learning experience I am ready to take on. I recently came across the Bucket List Family on Instagram. Although they seem to be living the life I would love to live, being a solo mom with two kids would make such a lifestyle much harder. I’m happy to do a light version of their lives and travel often with my kiddos. I’m excited to show them the world and experience different cultures together.

I hope you’ll continue to follow along!

mfg