Well, after being a bit smug the last few weeks about how I hadn’t had Covid yet despite being exposed to it from essentially day 1 of the pandemic (and thinking I might be one of the lucky “immune” people), Mother Nature humbled me last week when I tested positive last Thursday. I’m fully vaccinated so my symptoms were luckily really mild. I tested myself due to a scratchy throat. With the current requirements, I haven’t been allowed to return back to work yet. I won’t be back to my normal schedule until next week. This unexpected forced vacation has allowed me to get some work done that I haven’t had the time to do otherwise. Finally getting an update here is one of those things.

April showers bring May flowers and somehow we are already in June?

It has been almost two months since I last posted. The weather has continuously gotten nicer in the Eugene area. We moved out of our house and into an apartment for the last two months of the assignment here. It is a bummer to have left that neighborhood due to it being so walkable and a park just down the street. The new location is located near the Willamette river though and we are able to take beautiful strolls along the river. Still on the lookout for our nearest playground.

We flew to Ohio to celebrate my baby’s first birthday and for me to attend my co-residents wedding. As my facebook friends may have also noticed, I’m now in a relationship. My facebook relationship status hasn’t changed since the day I created my account many, many years ago. So, it’s a big deal for me. There have been a lot of great moments for me over the past two months.

Unfathomable events

But there have also been absolutely heartbreaking moments. The shootings in Buffalo and Uvalde tear my heart to shreds. As do the many other shootings that have happened since but don’t get as much media coverage. These occurrences make it harder and harder for me to justify being the United States. I have become so aware and alert of my surroundings. I look for my nearest exit when I enter a building. But even if I were to leave, that doesn’t help keep the people still here safe. I believe the US could do so much better, be so much better. If only money didn’t corrupt humans so much. It’s unfathomable to me that we as humans can witness 19 children and their teachers slaughtered in a classroom and not change anything about the laws that helped facilitate it from happening.

Before I was even able to get around to uploading this post another horrible shooting has taken place. This one also hits me hard personally. A fellow physician was gunned down at a medical facility in Oklahoma by a patient that blamed him for his ongoing pain. The elementary school shooting shattered my heart and made me fearful for children everywhere in this country. As I intend on having my children go to school abroad, its one less fear I have for my own children. But I have a niece and nephew here in the states and friends with children. So it still is a fear that effects me personally.

The murder of a physician and staff members over dissatisfaction on the patients part solidifies a deep fear in me for my own safety. I try really hard to help my patients. I will try to find ways to help them and feel less pain. Sometimes the safest and recommended option is not what the patient wants and they get angry. Weaning a patient off of addictive and harmful medications is the right thing to do (while obviously working on the underlying issue and finding other, healthier alternatives). But when patients get angry, there is a part of me that is terrified they might try to retaliate. I am hyper-aware of my surroundings when I’m entering and exiting my places of work.

I shouldn’t have to feel this way when all I am trying to do is help people. Children shouldn’t have to fear for their lives going to school to obtain an education. Black people shouldn’t fear for their lives going grocery shopping. No one should have to fear for their life just living their life not hurting anyone else.

The ongoing war in the Ukraine. I know the news cycle has swabbed out coverage for other issues, but horrific and utterly unnecessary damage continues to be done to the people and their country.

None of these situations are natural disasters or forces of nature we can’t control. They are deliberate decisions by human beings and that makes it that much more heart retching to me. People choose to not love and help one another. It must be such a sad position to be in to willingly hurt another human being or help facilitate that hurt. Were these people not loved as children? It’s the only explanation I can think of. Humans aren’t born evil.

Adventures

I don’t really have a clever way to transition from such dark topics, so I won’t try. I’ll just continue on to share some of the beautiful places we visited over the past few weeks.

Eugene Saturday Market

I’ve written about this market before. We’ve been back a few times. The opening weekend was definitely the busiest. The subsequent times were less visited but nonetheless fun to attend. We also made it a few streets further north to the Farmer’s Market. I have a hard time visiting a farmer’s market and not buying fresh flowers. There is just something magical about a fresh bouquet of flowers. 😉 We also met the “bubble guy” and had a blast taking some fun pictures.

Sahalie Falls

My local nanny, her two sons, Ally, my baby and I all took a road trip to see the Sahalie falls in April. The plan was to hike a few miles and see a couple waterfalls. As we ascended into the mountains, however, the snow started accumulating height. The parking lot wasn’t plowed so everyone parked along the road. The walk to the viewing area of the first waterfall was an adventure in and of itself. Ally, who is still getting used to how snow works, took a few tumbles navigating the snow and ice. Many years of Wisconsin winters in my life allowed me to navigate the trail well enough not to fall with a baby strapped on my back. Although we only made it to the first fall, it was worth it.

Redwoods

I drove to Medford with my baby for a weekend to visit a friend and explore the Californian Redwood forest with her. These trees are massive. I felt like I was in a Jurassic Park movie just waiting for a velociraptor to appear. The grandiosity of it all doesn’t even really hit until you leave the area and start seeing “normal” sized trees again. The weather was amazing and the lighting in the forrest was magical. We did a quick pitstop on the coast before returning to Medford. What a great area to live with the Redwood forrest and a beach so close to one another.

Crater Lake

This location has been on the top of my Oregon list since we got here. I’ve been waiting for warmer weather so that more of the roads would open up. Despite going in late May, there were still winter weather condition and closures happening. A friend of mine from Ohio, also a SMBC (single mother by choice) and my baby nurse during my labor and delivery experience, was in town visiting with her child. She really wanted to see Crater Lake as well so we figured this would be a great time to check it off both of our lists. Despite there still being snow, and I mean A LOT of snow, the limited views we did have were well worth the 3 hour one-way trip. When there aren’t winter weather conditions at that altitude, more access roads are available as well as the many trails in the area.

I would definitely like to return in the future to check out some of the trails and see the lake from different view points. My aunt was the one who first told me about Crater Lake. She had seen it mentioned on a show in Germany that was discussing different shades of blue. Apparently, Crater Lake’s blue color is quite unique. The water in the crater is from precipitation. It doesn’t have streams feeding into it. That combined with the depth of the lake and the way the sunlight refracts in it, creates a very beautiful blue color.

South Jetty Beach

I can never get enough of the coast and ocean. My friend from Ohio and I took the babies to the beach one day and it was wonderful. It was a bit chillier than I expected it would be (I should have opted for something longer than shorts). We had the beach all to ourselves for most of the time. It was really low tide so the beach extended far out. This provided plenty of crawling/walking around opportunities for the kiddies. Nature’s sandbox is a good place to be.

Emotional Rollercoaster

These last few weeks have really been a ride for my emotions. I don’t believe you are living if you aren’t feeling. Life has its ups and downs. You can’t appreciate the highs if you don’t experience the lows. Having that emotional complexity makes us human. It’s not always easy. Especially experiencing the lows. Whenever the lows occur, I first allow myself to experience them. Then, I fairly quickly try to figure out what the low can teach me. Often, I adjust my priorities. Especially if the low is inflicted upon me by another human. I don’t hold grudges. I’m not mean. I don’t retaliate. I adjust my priorities. And sometimes, that means that person may have fallen lower on my ranking of priorities. I can’t control how people act but I can change my reaction to it.

No one has personally hurt me recently. Those comments are meant in a more general, life-view sort of way. On the contrary, I’ve received a lot of loving energy personally in recent weeks. But I’m also a very empathetic person and the recent events around the world weigh on me. The senseless gun violence, the loss of life, the attack on people’s right to bodily autonomy and abortion laws… it all affects me. As a woman, as a mother, as a physician…and above all, as a human.

I’m not naive enough to believe all these issues will be solved quickly. If anything, they will have less media coverage to make room for the next big story. The sadness, anger and hurt will seemingly fade and it won’t resurface until the next big tragedy. I hope I’m wrong. I hope that this time, something good will actually happen. As the German saying goes “Die Hoffnung stirbt zuletzt”… Hope dies last. So I will continue to hope and find ways to make a positive impact in this world and help protect and heal my fellow human beings and our planet.

mfg